"I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable at the Four Seasons in 20 minutes"

As my friends can attest, about 10% of what comes out of my mouth is original thought. The vast majority of everything I say can be attributed either to Matt O'Dizzle or any number of feature films. Although I still hold that "Who brought this guy?" was mine long before my path crossed that of Darko or Lumbo. Anyways I thought it would be great to list a top ten of films that I thought were the greatest when it comes to lining. And lucky for you it goes to eleven.
11) This Is Spinal Tap: "Hello Cleveland!" Two words: Shit sandwich.
10) The Jim Cameron über trilogy- Aliens, T2, True Lies with an assist from John McTiernan's Predator: "Let's face it. The 'Vette. . . gets 'em wet!" Between the power combo of Arnie and Bill Paxton, what else can compare? Pop culture of the late '80s and early '90s were built around these films. "That's it man, game over man, game over!"
9) Monty Python & the Holy Grail: When it comes to swallows, flesh wounds, or the capital of Assyria this is the definitive reference.
8) Wayne's World & Tommy Boy: "No way! - Way!" These really aren't that great of films to line. Not!
7) The Princess Bride: I would sooner destroy a stained-glass window than not include this masterpiece.
6) Pulp Fiction: How many times have I gotten in trouble for quoting "The Bonnie Situation" scene in public? And when I finished drying my hands the towel certainly didn't look like some goddamn Maxi Pad. Sam Jackson brings an intensity to the Bible that Moses never did.
5) The Cable Guy: "Ohhhh, shit."
4) American Psycho: An awesome wave of relief washes over me as I realize that I've chosen this movie to be in the top ten. My only regret is that I'm not a coke-head Wall Street junkie that can take advantage of many of these great lines. Anyways I've got to go return some videotape before I catch the latest showing of Les Mis. Who hasn't ordered J&B straight and a Corona in the bar before?
3) Any Star Wars movie: I could listen to Yoda talk about his bowel movements and still call it wisdom.
2) The Boondock Saints: After watching this flick, who doesn't want to be a drunken, vulgar Irishman avenging God and murdering the Mob? "Continue the joke."
1) Legends of the Fall: "Do you love her? Or did you seduce her just to spite me?" I could line this movie beginning to end. How many times have Geoff and I played out the Tristan and Alfred confrontation after Tristan sleeps with Susannah? Don't want to talk to someone? "It's probably better I don't; but tell him I said hello. . . and congratulations." Nice dude, nice.

Timothy: First Epistle

I was thinking today about how the art of letter-writing is so seemingly lost. In the past two weeks, I had people tell me that not only were the cost of stamps rising two cents but that the United States Congress is considering passing a bill into law that would charge five cents for every email message sent in the country. How did we get to this point? It seems that our Information Age technological society simply forgot the simple graces of epistolary writing. When was the last time you either received or sent a letter or even a postcard? It seems that even birthday and Christmas cards are down across the board.
It's very sad that an art that has been with mankind for thousands of years is being wiped off the map almost suddenly. It's true that the advent of the telegraph and later telephone cut down on the need to communicate by letter, but I believe that it wasn't until the advent of digital email that the death warrant was finally signed. For many years letters have conveyed the personal thoughts and sentiments of human beings across the world, having simple, personal or even worldwide effects on mankind. Hell, half of the New Testament is a collection of letters. The romance of Thomas Paine and the early revolutionaries, the Pony Express, love letters and family missives sent from war-torn Europe during the 1940s. What would the world be like without these things. What if Dracula was just some story and not an epistolary masterpiece? As a writer and historian, the detoriation of letter-writing makes me very sad. How are future generations to understand our ways of life, our thoughts, and our dreams without correspondence printed on common parchment? The letters of men great and base are an amazing and incredibly in-depth way of studying the civilizations that preceded us. What a perspective they add!
I urge everyone to flex their creative muscle and break out the Bics to write a letter now and again. You don't have to be as prolific as an H.P. Lovecraft and write a library of tens of thousands, but perhaps drop a line of post now and again. A simple letter to a friend or family member. An unexpected surprise in the mail can be a wonderful surprise, even if it's nothing more than a written greeting or salutations. And what better way to improve your vocabulary and language than putting into words what would normally be a mundane phone conversation? Just think; something you write could be enshrined in the National Archives someday.

Quote of the Week:

"You think to baffle me, you - with your pale faces all in a row, like sheep in a butcher's. You shall be sorry yet, each one of you! You think you have left me without a place to rest; but I have more. My revenge is just begun! I spread it over centuries, and time is on my side."

Bram Stoker - Dracula

To the death? ... No, to the pain.

So I just finished this conversation with my cousin about my previous post and my apparent fascination with pain and being in pain. It is simply this: pain equals life. Or rather the struggle to maintain life. What's so wrong with being obsessed with wanting to be alive? Nothing at all. It's perhaps the most elementary of all human instincts. It is something very animalistic, primal, and basic that we all exhibit as common shareholders of the DNA for Homo sapiens. To feel pain is to truly know life.
For me, the simple definition of death is the absence of pain. If you were to hack a corpse to pieces, it's not going to suddenly jump up and shout for mercy. The nerve endings aren't transmitting any chemical signals; the body is just so much cordwood. The same if someone became calloused and shut themselves off from the world. Emotionally they are numb and for all intents and purposes dead in that way if not medically. This line of thought could also be extended to the spiritual side of life as well. Gets a little more tricky with people's individual beliefs but it can still hold. If you can't feel pain than you are either medically deceased or emotionally numb to the point you might as well be some zombie wandering around a shopping mall in Pittsburgh.
I'd like to go into more detail about this right now, especially concerning my thoughts on the pain of heartbreak and such, but I'm running on an hour of sleep and hopped up on Robotussin so it'll have to wait another day.

It's late, I just drank a bottle of champagne, and what the fuck am I doing?

Why is the beginning always so hard for me to write? It seems that everything I write or do, it's so damn difficult to get past Act One. It would seem for most people it is the finishing that is so hard. For me? Complete opposite. I never seem to like how I start so I hit reset and begin again. Trouble is I'm never satisfied. It's just simple exposition: introduce some characters, add a little backstory, set up time and space and just go. It's like that old Greek story of the wicked king hanging out in Tartarus condemned to roll his boulder up his hill. He gets half of the way up before he starts having problems; at least he can get the ball rolling. Why can't I just go and see what happens. I'll give it a shot.
The protagonist is this story is me. The Dunce-cap Marvel. I'm 23 but act both 16 and 43 in equal parts. I either worry too much about the past or the future and totally disregard much of what is happening in the present. I'm a student at the University of Georgia. Or, rather I act like Chris Farley acting like a student. I don't think anyone would mistake me for Stephen Hawking, and not just because I lack a seriously disabling disease that leaves me rotting in a chair. I don't really have a very bright and sunny disposition. In fact, I'm rather dark and brooding. Some of that comes from the clinical depression I suffer from and the rest from my wanting to be Lord Byron. I always say I should have been born a 19th century Romantic. My heroes are literary giants: Poe, London, Hemingway. If only I could write and drink and die as they did.
Life sucks sometimes; most times really. I wouldn't have it any other way though. Yeah, I'm a little masochistic but it really does make the great times truly GREAT. Why would anyone care that the sun was shining if there weren't thunderstorms. As my cousin loves to tell me, life is beautiful. And it is. I live in a world that has many simple beauties. Trees. Mountains. Oceans. I've been in love twice in my life. A lot of people can't say that. I have a great family and wonderful friends. There is a lot of promise and hope and love in my life. It evens out the sorrow, loneliness, and pain. Life is a two-sided coin. My favorite movie is Return of the Jedi. That's because of Darth Vader. His character embodies humanity. The good and the bad, the joy and the pain, the light and the dark side. Hopelessly entangled. And the best part of the movie? He redeems himself and comes out of it a pretty good guy who by the way saves the galaxy. Every person's goal everyday should be to redeem his or herself. I truly believe that. That's just a little window into me. You know, it's not that hard going after you get started.

ps. And one more thing: I'm a sucker for dog stories. I cry everytime.