Shine on you crazy diamond

Today I found out that Syd died a few days ago from diabetes. He was 60 years old. There aren't a lot of words that I think of to put together to express how I feel. I always knew that he would be the first of the five to pass away, but that hasn't made it any easier on me. In a lot of ways he was the least of them. He wasn't Roger or David or Nick or Rick. He had nothing to do with 'Dark Side of the Moon' or 'Animals' or 'The Wall'. If you had asked most people or even casual Pink Floyd fans they would not have been able to tell you who he was. But in a lot of ways, Syd was the best of them. He was Pink Floyd. After all he was the founding guitarist and lead singer and he was responsible for grabbing 3 kids out of architecture school to create a band that he named Pink Floyd.
I could tell you a million different things about Syd Barrett. I could tell you how he revolutionized the London rock-n-roll scene and created 'space rock'. I could tell you about the days at the UFO Club and how he was good friends with Jimi Hendrix and how he was there the day John and Oko met. I could tell you about the bluesmen who influenced him and the rock and rollers he in turn influenced. I could tell you about the acid and the mental problems. But I don't need to do that. I can just tell you that Syd Barrett was an amazing guitarist and songwriter. He had all the promise in the world and he was determined to beat the Beatles. If things had gone differently I'm pretty sure he could have done it.
But he fell apart and the band moved on without him. But they never forgot him. I still think one of the most touching stories in music concerns Pink's album 'Wish You Were Here'. The album centered around Syd and illnesses. One day out of no where, Syd showed up at Abbey Road and asked if he could help in any way. No one had heard from him in several years, and he had just showed up out of nowhere. Everyone there was moved to tears.
Today I am moved to tears to learn about his death. I never expected him to come out and give any interviews or make some new music, but just knowing he was still there in a small house in Cambridge made me happy. I'm glad to hear that his last years were peaceful; full of painting and gardening. But I will be forever saddened to know one of the world's great talents has left us forever. We'll miss you Syd.

Roger 'Syd' Barrett 1946-2006

"Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!"

- Pink Floyd "Shine On You Crazy Diamond"

Brad Pitt

I have a non-sexual crush on Brad Pitt. He has been my favorite actor for a long time and I just think he's a pretty cool dude. I always loved the roles he would take and the fact that for being a huge Hollywood superstar, he seems pretty down to earth and likable. Anyone who knows me is aware of the fact that 'Legends of the Fall' is my 7th favorite movie (if you still don't know what 1-6 are by this point, well . . . then I just don't know what to say). And Brad's performance as Tristan is a huge part of that. For me, he is an actor who can really deliver and perfectly embody the role he is playing. When I watch my favorite movies of his, I don't see Brad Pitt. I see Tristan and Mickey and Tyler Durden.

But unfortunately I have been pretty disappointed with him of late. And by of late I mean the past few years. It started about four years ago with the debacle over 'The Fountain'. When I first heard about this project I was really excited cuz I was going to get to see my favorite actor work with my favorite director of the moment. And from everything I had heard this was supposed to be the best sci-fi film since Kubrick's '2001: A Space Odyssey' (for the record I think this is a terrible movie; I'm just using the term "the best" since this is how the critics feel I guess). But then him and Arofonosky couldn't get along and he left to do 'Troy'. Ughhhh. 'Ocean's 11' came out shortly thereafter. I liked that movie for what it was, but I wasn't really expecting the following mainstream, commercial stuff that came in its wake.

I have not been too impressed with 'Troy', 'Ocean's 12', and 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith'. I was actually quite intrigued with the latter when I saw the original teaser poster of the pair of them just standing there dressed in black (this was before they added the guns to the photo). I was still tolerating Angelina Jolie back then and I remember saying to myself, "This could be interesting." Well, it was but in a different sort of way. Of course we all know the media fracas that this became. I was pretty disappointed in Brad for cheating on his wife and the tabloid circus never really helped. I'm pretty sick and tired of hearing about Brangelina and Maddox and Shiloh Nouvel the Namibian Wonder-Baby and second secretive pregnancies and fights between ex-wives and girlfriends and all of that. I want to get back to movies.

I've lost my crush status with Brad Pitt. Now I am more interested in other actors and their projects. Actors like Edward Norton, Matt Damon, and Paul Giamatti. But I'm still holding out hope. I hope that he gets back to making good films and playing off-beat roles instead of simple star vehicles. I miss the days of 'Se7en', 'Fight Club', '12 Monkeys', 'True Romance', and 'Snatch'. I miss the period epics. I miss 'Legends' and 'Seven Years in Tibet'. So hopefully this new Jesse James flick he stars in will make the grade. And the tabloid hubbub has to die down eventually. So I guess we'll just see then.

Opening weekend grosses

This is why I am very selective on which movies I see on their opening weekend. I know it might be hard for people to understand, but I do not like to jeopardize Star Wars box office records and grosses by seeing films which have a tendency to draw in a lot of people. I know, you're saying, "Don't you think that's a little weird, a little psycho?" No, I don't. I respect the integrity of Mr. Lucas' films and I want to do what I can to preserve it. Of course I realize that one man is not going to effect anything, but for me it's about the principle. I didn't go see Superman Returns until the following Monday, and I'm sure this pirate movie is entertaining and probably pretty good, but I don't think it deserves to draw more opening day business than 'Episode III'. I still am yet to see Titanic, and I am a huge James Cameron fan. So I guess I'll let you have your opinion, but don't rag me up and down about mine.

The Battle of the Bad Bullpens

The Reds lost again tonight. Fucking a great. I swear, we have to be the best club in the majors for come back losses. We always seem to go into the 8th or 9th losing, come back to tie or lead, and then give the game away with bad pitching from the bullpen. I figured we could do it tonight against Atlanta (yes, I live in GA and don't like the Braves) since they lead the NL in blown saves (we have 13, they have 18 or something). And what do you know? In the 9th we came back to score 5 runs to tie it up, but lost in extra innings again. Why does my sports life suck?
I was talking to lada about this a few days ago and we determined that we have the worst fan luck of anyone. To be fair, she is a Cubs fan so she is far and away ahead of the curve. Yeah the Reds haven't been spectacular lately, but I would rather drink acid than be a Cubs fan. Yikes. Anyway, all of my teams seem to always just be right there, but they never deliver the big ones. A few examples:

Germany lost their semi-final World Cup match 0-2 on July 4th. This was a good match, but the last couple of minutes proved to be excruciating to watch. I really figured that with Brazil out of the tourney, that we (and by we I mean the Germans) would have a great shot to win the whole Cup at the least. Reality is that we were the odds-on favorites. I wouldn't say we blew it; it was a tough match and Italy is a tough team (even though they like to fix their matches). To be honest, I was probably the only person watching not wanting it to go to penalty kicks. Sure we are undefeated in them and Italy has never won, but penalties are tough. I'm not a huge fan when it's my team on the line, and they are hard to watch. But I also didn't want to lose in the final two minutes of extra time. Fuck me.

The UGA football team is the quintessential almost-there team. I can't really complain too much because we have had great success under head coach Mark Richt, but sometimes I wonder what could have been. We always lose to Florida, we always seem to have a shot to play for the national championship, and to top it off we lost against West Virginia last season in the Sugar Bowl when we should have walked all over them. I mean, I went to school with the NCAA's number one winning quarterback -- a guy named David Greene who won more games than Peyton Manning -- and we never even played for the national championship. It all seems so unfair sometimes.

I was telling lada that I think I blew all my good sports moments at a young age. Germany was a powerhouse and was winning World Cups before I had started playing soccer and knew anything about it. They always seem to finish just shy these days.
I also witnessed the best baseball moment of my life when I was . . . three. It's one of my earliest memories, but I definitely remember the moment when Pete Rose broke Ty Cobb's hit record on September 11, 1985. That's a big thing to remember, especially for a toddler who loved Pete and loved the Reds before anything else in sports. Of course, I owe a lot of that to my Cincinnati-area born and bred parents, but boy-howdy, what a moment! I'm scared I won't have anything like that left in my life. At least I can rest easy knowing that I am a fan. A true fan. I mean, how hard can it be to root for Brazil, the Yankees, USC, and Miami?

The Dunce-cap Marvel is a strong believer that Wayne Krivsky can bring a championship home. The Cincinnati Reds are National League baseball. I so love my Reddies! Und ich liebe Deutschland!

At the Movies: Superman Returns

Ok, so a few days ago I broke down and went to go see Supes' new flick. It was pretty much exactly what I expected. Entertaining but not ground-breaking or breathlessly amazing. I was entertained by the things that I do like about Superman and I had problems with the things I don't like about him.

A few quick notes:

The casting was hit and miss for me. I guess most importantly I liked Brandon Routh as the new Man of Steel. He has a good look and good voice for the role; my only disappointment is that the script really never asked him to do anything difficult. Just a lot of white-bread Superman dialogue such as, "Good night Lois" and "Don't worry folks. Flying is -- statisically speaking -- still the safest way to travel."
I liked Parker Posey a lot. Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane: not so much. Not that she was terrible, but I just don't really see her in the role. Lois is supposed to be a sassy, independent kind of girl but in this movie she came across as a bitch a few times. And it's a very small thing but get rid of the black toenail polish. She's not a Goth.
Kevin Spacey didn't work for me either. Obviously Bryan Singer is gonna stick by his guy, but I just don't see him as Lex Luthor. And why was Kal Penn in the movie to have zero lines of dialogue?

Why can't anyone realize that Clark is Superman!? For goodness sake, Lois slept with Superman. For her not to realize that the guy who was emptying his Super-Seed inside of her was also her co-worker, she had to be pretty drunk. And she's smart enough to track down hot leads and a missing Lex Luthor, but she can't put two and two together when Clark just happens to call in sick to work at the same times that Superman is off travelling the galaxy or dying in the hospital. You'd think Perry least would notice with all of the pink slips he'd have to be giving Clark.

The plot to create a new continent was a little weak. For one, it looked like a pretty sucky place to live. And then Superman comes and Lex Luthor basically kills him dead. The next shot you see is of the bad guys sitting around playing in a poker game. So let me get this straight: Lex you just spent tons of time and money to come up with a scheme to both take over the world and kill Superman and you pretty much accomplished both of them. What's next? "Well, we're gonna sit around and play Texas Hold'em." Why didn't he issue demands to the world's leaders or do some other super-villian shit? It was almost if they figured Superman wasn't going to die and they should just wait around to see how he was going to stop them. Laaaame.
But don't think Lex is all to blame for this weak spot in the movie. Supes has almost died because of Kryptonite poisoning; Lois has rescued him and taken the Kryptonite knife out of his ribs. But he is still badly injured; in fact we later learn that the Kryptonite is still in his body. But what does he do? He picks up an entire continent made of KRYPTONITE and launches it into space as it continually grows in mass and cuts into his body. Superman's only weakness is kryptonite. Just in case you didn't know. So after he is almost dead because of it, he is going to pick up a huge landmass made entirely of it and fly it tens of thousands of miles into the atmosphere? The minute he came within 100 yards of the continent the first time he should have dropped dead. So why can he now complete his hardest task at his weakest. He earlier almost couldn't stop a falling plane. Do you realize how much heavier AN ENTIRE FUCKING CONTINENT IS THAN A PLANE!? The logic does not fly here. Why give the guy a weakness if it won't kill him or prevent him from saving the world?
Oh well. I least I liked the opening credits. And the ending credits. Hey Bryan Singer, giving props to Christopher Reeve and his wife --- classy dude, I like it.

Next up: Ben Affleck plays Superman for the sequel!!! Just kidding. But he is playing George Reeves, the man who played Supes in the '50s TV show. The movie is 'Hollywoodland' and it's about the suicide/murder of the actor and one detective's quest to learn the truth. I checked out the trailer earlier and it actually looks pretty damn good. Adrien Brody plays the detective and he is just so hot right now. I'm really looking forward to this.

And to be quite fair: I'm a DC guy to the bitter end. But the main reason for me to go see Supes was the Spidey 3 teaser. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out here. Sam Raimi has a tall order to fill with 3 new villians, a new love interest, and innumerable other problems, but he quashed my fears last time around, so I have nothing but hope for this flick. And if the teaser is anything to go by than WOW. My fanboy sense is tingling (I am such a nerd, I can't believe I actually just wrote that).

Riding the razor wire to my demise*

*I originally put up this post but then took it down. I ain't gonna lie, it's pretty dark and self-destructive. I took it down cuz I was worried about worrying people who know me and would read it. Fuck it, I'm putting it back up. I mean at the moment I wrote it I felt this way. If you read it just know that I was fucking depressed as hell and I had just lost my job. Not to mention I was a little drunk. None of it is lies; I've felt these things before, but you do have to keep in mind that I suffer from clinical depression and maybe bi-polar disorder. I kinda think it's funny to read afterwards and a little interesting as well. So take it as it is and don't read too much into it. I never said depression didn't suck. Besides I do think the title is pretty fucking rad.

"What's the worst thing you can imagine?"

I don't know, I can imagine a lot.

Since I was a teenager I have had this awful feeling that I would never live past the age of 23. I will be 24 in a month in a half. I'm not 100% positive that I'm going to make it.

I got fired today. That makes four firings out of the last five jobs I've had. How the fuck did I come to that!? I don't have anything anymore; no job, no school, no reason to continue. My family lives half a country away and besides, I've failed my parents more times than I could count. I am my father's great embarrassment. I have failed everyone I know in some capacity. My life is forfeit.

I thought I could save myself. I somehow thought that Kael and Cor would save me; that they would be my great redemption. But I let them down as well. I cannot remember the last good thing that I did. I am so full of hate that I don't know if God Himself could forgive me.

What if I had answered you honestly? What would you have said? This is the worst that I can imagine; that I will act upon my deepest hatred and eliminate myself. Would that have made you happy? Of course not; you would have been upset and angry at the least. I am not some great fool to think that no one cares about me. But what does it help when it does me absolutely no good? I can not remember a time when I didn't hate myself. It is something that carries back to my youngest days.

I will not hurt myself. I promised someone long ago that I wouldn't. But I no longer care about my well-being. If I ever did. I will live and expect to die. It is my cross to bear. I wish I could be a happy man; I wish I could enjoy my wonderful family and friends. But I fear that is not my prerogative. I rush to meet my death; it is the only peace I can imagine, the only escape that I am promised. Life is too long and hard, it seems, for this Dream-Warrior.

"She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget.
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time,
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind.
Until the night, He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger,
And finally drank away her memory.
Life is short but this time it was bigger,
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees.
We found him with his face down in the pillow,
With a note that said I'll love her till I die.
And when we buried him beneath the willow,
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby."

- "Whiskey Lullaby" Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss