Community Service

I did community service today at the Habitat for Humanity Thrift Store. For some dumb-ass reason I waited to do my 40 hours until the last possible minute; they were due on Friday but I sold my PO into giving me until Wednesday when I have to meet with her. Anyway, I just got done with an 8-hour workday that I wasn't paid for and had a few thoughts. I was just thinking about how much most people take for granted in our communities. Take me for example; I do most of my consumer shopping at Best Buy, Borders, and Wal-Mart. Today I worked in a thrift store; for the majority of the customers today, this was their normal shopping destination. Places like Wal-Mart and Big Lots are probably considered high-end shopping for these people. I was sorting through 25-year old TVs and VCRs that were high-class for the people buying them. One woman was on a spree, buying toys for kids; toys that I had played with 15 and 20 years ago. I came across all sorts of familiar stuff; telephones, answering machines, and such that my family had bought new and later discarded that were now being used by much poorer people. When I was a kid I had hand-me-downs from my cousin; I don't think I wore a new pair of jeans until high school. But here it wasn't just hand-me-downs, it was hand-me-arounds. The bottom line was that it was just kinda weird to see folks shopping and grabbing items that the average American called outdated junk years ago. I don't reckon I'll change my entire lifestyle, but I will be more thoughtful about things now. Instead of throwing away something I view as trash, I'll probably take it to Goodwill and have it be reused.
Other than that, no one is happier that the Reds are owning both the Astros and the best record in Major League Baseball. And the NFL Draft has been solid as well. I'm off to the (bike) races, so I hope y'all have a good weekend!

Twilight 2006

This weekend is one of my favorite times of all year in Athens. It's the weekend of the Twilight Criterium bike races. They block off downtown into a 1k course running from Clayton to Washington Sts. and have all sorts of bad-ass races all day. Throughout the day they run kids, handicapped, chicks, and men's races in all sorts of events. You would not believe how fast these guys fly through town. It seems like they run a lap in a matter of seconds. The whole of downtown is packed with thousands of people who have been there since early in the morning. Competitors, families with their kids, and rowdy college drunks like me mingle and watch some of the coolest and fastest bike races around. Every bar is packed out and drinks are insanely cheap; for me this beats most football weekends. And you would not believe the wrecks that happen, especially in the night-time races where everybody is flying. I usually camp out on one of the corners (in front of the Georgia Theatre is best) or in somebody's loft apartment to watch the excitement. This is seriously one of the times during the year that make me glad I live in Athens, GA! If you love cycling or just getting crazy on a Saturday then you have to check out this event at least once in your life. When I tell people about it, they think I'm crazy for passing up a keg party or the pool to watch cycling but then they get hooked after seeing it for themselves. I hope everybody has a good weekend, cuz I know I sure will and I'll let you know how it goes!

And even better than Spider-Man . . .

. . . the Reds are hot!!! They are off to their best start since '94 (I believe) and they have the second-best record in baseball. I'm so nervous that I'm gonna jinx them and send them on a 12-game losing streak, but heck if I ain't just jazzed about the team. I hope they fly under the radar all season and then just . . . --WHAMMM!!!-- jump into the post-season without anyone the wiser. I really think they can do it this season. They still need to work on the pitching a bit, but I really think Bronson Arroyo is gonna pull that rotation together and hopefully they'll be cruising this summer. What a great move to pick Bronson up from the awfully awful Red Sox; that guy is the jam!

And how awesome is the NL Central? Pittsburgh is the only club below .500 and the only one that couldn't be leading a division somewhere in baseball. The damn situation has me holding my breath. I'm praying Houston falls off here pretty quick and makes Roger's decision that much harder. And I wouldn't mind if Albert Pujols suddenly pulled a Ricky Williams and decided to become a holistic medicine man. There are a lot of good ball clubs breathing down Cincy's neck; hopefully Junior and Eric Milton can get back quick and contribute immediately to help put some extra distance between us and St. Louis. At least there's one sure thing to count on: the Cubs are gonna crash and burn, baby. Just light that match and watch that fuse cuz they will be due for an explosion before the end. Here's hoping the Reds don't do the same.

ps. Braves suck.

I'm so excited . . . and I just can't hide it

It seemed that after the release of Episode III (the one-year anniversary is coming up; I know what I'll be doing, do you?) and Batman Begins last summer that it would take awhile for me to find a new project to latch my fanboy claws into and count every last second until. King Kong was an interesting flick to look forward too, and it turned out to be a lot better than I had thought, but it wasn't something that really grabbed me. And don't get me wrong, I'm pumped about the third X-men installment (despite the lame title) and I'll see it on opening day, but those uncanny mutants are still a few pegs down the comics ladder for me. Superman Returns you say? In case you're still wondering, I'd rather be forced to watch Catwoman in endless succession for a week. Gag me with a spoon.
But today I think I've found what I've been looking for. Clearly, I knew about the next Spidey flick from the get-go. It's not like there weren't two highly successful movies that were preceding this one and I also knew Thomas Haden Church and Topher Grace had been tapped to play villains. But reading a little magazine article and perusing the usual fanboy sites, I came up with some pretty interesting stuff that's got my nerd-sense tingling.
First of all, there is a pretty big rumor flying around that we get to see Spider-Man ditch the classic red and blue tights and don his ultra-cool black suit. So then I head over to imdb.com and check out the info they got up there. Guess who Topher Grace is listed to play . . . can you say Eddie Brock anyone!? How awesome would it be to see Venom in action? But that is not even the best of it.
I found out that Bryce Dallas Howard is set to play none other than the gorgeous Gwen Stacy in the movie. I love Gwen Stacy! I have always had a soft spot for her, and I'm eager to see the love triangle that develops between her, Peter, and MJ. I always felt that Gwen brought a lot to the Spider-Man mythos. She brings such a great arc to the story and character of Peter Parker/Spider-Man. Her untimely death and the anguish and guilt that Peter suffers from because of it and his undying love for her. I mean, yeah, he kinda got over her and he does really love Mary Jane, but deep down you know he still wonders about what coulda been. I just wonder how everything will go down in the movie. The great thing is that I couldn't have cared less about the second movie after I found out Doc Ock was in it. I just have never cared for him and I thought it was going to turn out to be horrible. But I was blown away by how awesome it was and I really came to like the good Doctor in it. Now I have Gwen Stacy for sure and possibly Venom? 2007 seems so long away.

Harry Potter wants your Christian souls!!!

I was at work on Friday when I saw something in the local newspaper that caught my eye. Apparently, if you enjoy reading about Harry Potter and his adventures you will soon find yourself caught up attending Black Sabbaths and worshipping Satan. That's what some crazy Georgia parents think at least --- in this, our latest edition of, "Why Christian Fundamentalists are Fucking Nutjobs!"

So anyway, this woman is trying to get the books banned in Gwinnett Co. schools rather than do her job as a parent. She believes they promote evil ideas like witchcraft and the occult and yada, yada, yada. Hey, she's entitled to her opinion, no matter how stupid it is (and it is stupid), but don't force it on other kids and families. Great strategy: try to ruin other people's lives to make things a little easier on yourself. I've never understood the banning book thing. If the purpose of school is to teach children and open their eyes to new ideas and such, than why deny books to them? If this woman has such a problem with books, just home-school your kids and don't ever expose them to anything different so they can grow up to be brain-washed little introverts who can't function in a real environment. Get over yourself lady. The best part is that the woman has no idea what she's talking about. She's never even read the damn books!

[Mrs. Mallory] admitted that she has not read the book series partially because “they’re really very long and I have four kids.”“I’ve put a lot of work into what I’ve studied and read. I think it would be hypocritical for me to read all the books, honestly. I don’t agree with what’s in them. I don’t have to read an entire pornographic magazine to know it’s obscene,” Mallory said.

Do you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth, woman!? It's actually very hypocritical that you are making a blanket judgement that you have no idea about. Doesn't sound like you put in a lot of work after all. But that is how all these people are. They get it into their little minds that something is bad or against Christianity and they condemn it without even doing a little research. It's like this genius who writes the little Chick Christian comics about how you're going to Hell. I looooove this guy. Some stupid-ass Protestant Bible-beater* who thinks he knows everything. He has a great comic about Dungeons & Dragons. Hey genius! -- if you play D&D, the only thing you are gonna become is a loser, not a Satan worshipper. If a kid reads Harry Potter or plays a fantasy game and ends up casting spells or sacrificing the neighborhood cat, it's most likely due to the fact he can't separate reality and has major issues that are deeper than just a children's book.
So let's summarize: DON'T BAN BOOKS!!! It's a stupid thing to do, a real waste of everyone's time, and a pretty backwards exercise. If you have a problem with a book, or a video-game, or whatever, just talk to your kids about why you think they shouldn't read it. Your child will probably love you more if you just do your job as a parent and don't try to be some crusading social activist. Then again, you are probably a domestic fascist and your child will most likely rebel in his teen years and smoke a lot of drugs and have a lot of unprotected sex and just plain hate your guts, sending you to an early grave after you suffer a cataclysmic and crippling stroke while making brownies for the local Church bake sale. So maybe just chill out and grab a beer.

*I generally do not like Baptists, who seem to comprise the majority of the nutjob fundamentalists, and I do realize that I am making a lot of sweeping judgements about this particular sect of Christianity. I apologize if you are Baptist and can think for yourself; I don't mean to insult your faith and drag you into the broader picture. I just have a problem with the idiots out there.

Oh, in a totally unrelated matter, for the dork at work who tried to one-up me, you're flat wrong buddy. Zachary Taylor died because the milk was iced and caused a shock to his system in the blistering heat; the shit didn't expand and burst his stomach. Friggin' idiot.

The speed limit

I am driving home. Back to Athens. I just got onto 316; I need to concentrate and focus on what I am doing, they're doing all kinds of construction here and the speed limit keeps changing. I don't want to be caught in a speed trap or be pulled over for going too fast in a construction zone. I'm driving on an expired license. Expired by a week now and not even a real license. Just a probationary work permit. Heck, even if it wasn't expired I would still be in hot water. Make sure you pay attention and don't go to fast; you don't want to be pulled over and go to jail for speeding. Normally, after all that I would just gun it and run 85, drive fast and try to outrun everything. But with the DUI and the expired permit, I can't afford to do that. Gotta just focus on the driving and put that cruise control on a cool 65. Can't bother thinking about anything else but the road and the traffic in front of me.
- That was pretty tough, wasn't it?
- Yeah, not my idea of a fun Saturday evening.
I put an opera in the CD player to help me take my mind off things, to help me concentrate on driving.
I drove by her house 4 times before I parked the truck and made it to the front door. I shouldn't be nervous; I'm here for her, nothing I've done or haven't done matters, and yet I feel my stomach tie up in a knot of clichés. Someone famous once said that courage is fear that holds out just a little bit longer. Some president or general. Maybe Washington or Eisenhower, I don't remember. I hover anxiously in the driver's seat before my courage wins out.
The doorbell doesn't work, and I awkwardly stand there a moment before knocking and then letting myself in. Everyone is sitting around the dining room table looking at me, wondering who is this? I see her and make my way forward, a cautious greeting laced with encouragement preceding me into the room. Our eyes lock, mine hyperactive and hers bleary, and for a terrible instant I know that she has forgotten me. After all it has been a few years, I've probably gained the weight that she has lost, and I'm not the only kid she's had in 20+ years. But after a breathless, desperate moment she exhales the sound, "Timmie."
I hug her, scared to death that I will break this fragile thing before me. But Death is reserving that task for himself. I hate myself for making her get up; I can tell it is hard for her, her eyelids give her away. She is sicker and more exhausted than I thought she would be; I prepared myself mentally for this, but not for this. Her every word and movement is slow and methodical, as if to waste precious energy is to waste seconds. I lie and tell her that I am great, and that everything has been going well. Why burden her with sob stories? Anyway, would she even care? She's dealing with something more pressing than my pedestrian problems. Time to switch gears; she may have been a willing ear in the past, but you don't bother terminally ill cancer sufferers with your problems. They have a more immediate agenda.
Our conversation is short and mundane; no talk of death or regrets or apologies. She wants to go back to teaching next year.
"We expect to lose her after June 1st," says dutiful daughter Liz. So much for the teaching. But I can tell by just looking at her. She may have dyed her hair red to help take off the edge, to make her look healthier than she is, but it still looks like it would break and come out with a tug. She's too emaciated to ignore. And she is so tired, so damn tired. I wish I could look at her and see my old biology teacher, the woman who believed in me and loved me. But I see the face of Death and a small woman too stubborn to admit defeat, to admit the beginning of her end. Liz tells me how it spread from her gall-bladder and how the doctors thought they got it all. How it came back and how the very same doctors pronounced the two month sentence. She'll do hard time for a few weeks and then be free and clear. I pray the pain isn't bad. Liz's teeth are stained black from the red wine she's drinking; it bothers me like it always does when people drink wine, and it bothers me that it bothers me when there are other things to worry about. Liz and I hug and I promise to come back for a longer and better visit. But in Ms. Miller's case, the better times have fled the scene.
I think about Aunt Do and that small miracle that happened long ago. Maybe the same will happen here. Before I went over my mom told me that miracles happen.
- You know better than that. You saw how she looked, she ain't getting better. It's her time, just accept it.
- Yeah, I know, but you still gotta hold out hope. If not anything else, I hope it's as painless as possible.
I think about how I've failed her, how I have accomplished nothing worth talking about in the years since we last spoke. I hate myself for letting her down. I hate that I have to call Lauren and Kirsten, Dustin and Ike, but Liz asked me to. They should be here, being with her at this time. They have done things that she can be proud of, things she feels good about as she passes on. Me, I'm just a dumb kid who drinks too much and wants to be a writer and can't seem to finish school in an orderly manner. I'm nothing to be proud of, nothing to bother with. I feel so guilty I wanna scream. I wanted to apologize for letting her down and not accomplishing anything with my life. But all I could muster was, "Yeah, I'm doing great." I feel guilty for just now getting around to see her, I should have kept in touch, I should have not shut her out.
The CD player beeps and my opera ends. I think about turning on the radio, but I decide to sit in silence. I stop at the gas station to fill up before I finish the trip. I shouldn't be doing it, but I end up buying a bottle of A&W and some junk food. I'm supposed to be watching what I eat. It's supposed to be no pop and no sweets. I'll crack down tomorrow, I say to myself. Besides I've got more important things to worry about. I should be watching the road, my speed. I don't want to be pulled over and go to jail. Focus on what you're doing and just go the speed limit.

I still love you Catalina

Well, Gov. Sonny Perdue just signed that worthless bill into law the other day. You know, the one that denies simple human liberties to illegal immigrants. Hey, I'm all for them paying taxes; just don't deny them medical help while they are dying. Or basic schooling for their children. God forbid we try to educate people so the endless cycle of poverty can't continue. Anyway, I was reading through the Bible last night on some different stuff and came across this passage. For all the religious talk from Georgia legislators, it'd be kinda nice if they just read and acted on what they were preaching sometimes.

Leviticus 19:33

"When an alien resides with you in your land, do not molest him. You shall treat the alien who resides with you no differently then the natives born among you; have the same love for him as for yourself; for you too were once aliens in the land of Egypt."

25 Reasons Why I Am a Nerd*

25) Twi'leks are hot. Especially Aayla Secura.

24) My dream presidential ticket would include Albus Dumbledore and Gandalf the Grey. Conan the Barbarian would serve as Secretary of Defense.

23) I own a lightsaber.

22) Up - Up - Down - Down - Left - Right - Left - Right - B - A - B - A - Select - Start.

21) In the past few days I've rediscovered the glorious wonder that is Final Fantasy IX. I've since logged about 25 hours into it.

20) I think this is one of the funniest websites I've seen in ages. Props to Danny Soule for the link.

19) The worst thing you can call me is a Trekkie. Although I do agree with Mr. Campbell that Star Trek: TNG, while it can never be as recognized, is far superior to the original.

18) I get 98% of Seth McFarlane's jokes.

17) I've been to a convention.

16) Two of the most intriguing characters in modern English literature are Batman and Anakin Skywalker.

15) Am I the only person who thinks the Legend of Zelda would make a good video-game movie?

14) Contrary to popular belief, Trolls are NPCs and cannot level up.

13) I don't fear the bird flu. I fear deadly outbreaks of zombie attacks. George Romero doesn't make movies; he makes documentaries that can serve as survival guides when the shit hits the fan.

12) Finding out the name of the Childlike Empress was a major turning point in my life. Everything that happens here on out will be deemed post-Moonchild.

11) I directed, produced, and starred in my own Star Wars fan film.

10) Even though I hate Harry Knowles with a passion, I make a point to check his website throughout the week.

9) I've camped out for movie tickets.

8) I wrote a blog about how Superman sucks. And he does most assuredly suck.

7) The Three Laws of Robotics are . . .

6) I have to constantly explain myself after I quote obscure movies.

5) If the Holy Trinity was composed of George Lucas, Stephen Spielberg, and James Cameron, I would be Ok with that.

4) You saw the Lord of the Rings movies, but you are ignorant of the fact that Fingolfin is the coolest elf this side of Middle-Earth cuz you didn't read 'The Silmarillion.' I did.

3) Comic books are the new books.

2) I went to see 'Monsters, Inc.' in theaters just to see the Episode II teaser. The feature was good too.

1) I heart Star Wars.

* And damn proud of the fact.

Do you wanna know why the South really sucks?*

We all have little things we have to do once in awhile on a routine basis that we'd rather not have to. Call them chores, pet peeves, annoyances, whatever. It doesn't matter how much you would like to ignore them and have a little fun or treat yourself, but you just can't. As a responsible adult you must face this task and address it head-on. Whether it's going to the dentist, calling your mother, giving the dog a bath, meeting your partner's weird sexual demands, or getting your prostate checked, it just has to happen. Britney Spears has to be a mother, Courtney Love has to take her monthly shower, and Bill Clinton has to talk to his wife. Mine happens to be fielding questions about my vocabulary to moronic Southerners (feel free to share yours!). I made the dumb mistake of using an Ohio colloquialism in front of my co-workers last week. I said "crick" when referring to a creek. Oops.
Sure, so I technically misspoke. It's not the end of the world. Everyone speaks in a different dialect. My mom's family says things like "warsh" for wash, and all sorts of other ones that I probably don't even pick up on because I'm so used to them. But the big one that every damn person in Georgia attacks me over is "pop."

This is Merriam-Webster's say:
Main Entry: soda pop
Function: noun
: a beverage consisting of soda water, flavoring, and a sweet syrup

One could argue that pop is the correct word usage since soda is modifying the noun. But soda can be a noun on its own, so I'll buy either word to describe a frizzy and refreshing drink. Not only are these idiots in Dixie so completely obstinate about their Coke word usage, but they are incredibly wrong! I swear if you let slip so much as a pop or soda, the whole state jumps on your back. It's like admitting to Joseph McCarthy that you attended a Communist Party gathering. I don't know if there is anywhere in the country that you will be hounded on a constant basis for the way you speak. You'd think after living 18 years in this shithole that you would be accepted. But no, you have to daily be made fun of by the same people for a little 3-letter word. Your own friends can't let it go. I can't tell you how happy it would make me to have the people I hang out with not bring this up every time. But I know it won't ever happen. I know that if I ask for a pop I won't be served. I have actually been in a situation where as a kid, my friend's parent asked me if I wanted something to drink. I replied, "Yes, do you have any pop?" The woman would not give me anything to drink until I asked for Coke. And when I finally said it, she hands me a Dr. Pepper. Isn't that ridiculuous? Southern hospitality my ass. But this is about par for the course for a place where blatant racism is cool and funny. What a bush-league state.

What do these popular soft drinks all have in common?
Root Beer
Pepsi
Sprite
Orange Soda
Mountain Dew
That's right! They are all not Coke! Coca-Cola is Coke; if you want something other than Coke please specify. Sprite will never and can never be Coke. Sprite is a lemon-lime beverage while Coke is a cola. Just because Sprite is a Coca-Cola Company product does not mean it is classified as "Coke". Thanks for coming out.

This is such a big deal to people that someone made a website. And included a fancy map.

*This public service announcement is addressed to anyone thinking about making a move to the Southern United States (that means you lada) and is paid for by the offices of The Dunce-cap Marvel, Inc.

It's Official!

Well, I am now officially a member of the Catholic Church. At the Easter Vigil Saturday evening, I was baptized, confirmed, and took First Communion. The trifecta! What a long journey it has been to get to this point. Eight months of RCIA and many long years of doubt, anger, lost faith, and soul-searching before that. I tried to do RCIA last year, but it just didn't feel right. It felt forced. But I have really enjoyed the past year in terms of my faith and my quest to become Catholic. I've been surrounded by some really wonderful people throughout the whole process. My RCIA director Sister Joan, Julie and the other leaders, and some great folks, young and old, to undertake the journey with. And of course, my wonderful sister the super-sponsor. She didn't have to be, but she was there every week with me, holding my hand and helping me through it.
I was so nervous all week leading up to today, and it really culminated once we got to Church. I was really anxious and excited as well, but I was so worried I would screw something up or that I would be a real stumble-john and trip or upend some vital sacramental dish. But I didn't. And contrary to earlier fears, I didn't choke on the Host or get scalded by the holy water. Apparently, my soul isn't so black and evil that God Himself can't accept me. I didn't get burned or recoil from the altar with a vampiric hiss, and there was no need for the priest to banish me into the dark and lonely night. I was Ok. Communion, my major concern, turned out to be pretty easy.
So it's over, and yet it's just begun. I'm pretty dang happy and content right now, but I know that there is a lot left to do and a lot left to learn. Who knows what will happen or where God will take me, but I do know that I'm pretty glad to be His man. The Dunce-cap Marvel has a new name, so Happy Easter from Augustine.

Dark Victory

I just finished reading 'Dark Victory,' a great little graphic novel that introduces Robin into the mythic cycle of the Dark Knight (not that little actually; it comes in just under 400 pages). It's written and drawn by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, two of the best talents to tackle the character of Batman, in my opinion. It's a few years old, but if you are a fan of comics or graphic novels or just Batman than you should definitely pick it up.
At first I wasn't sure I wanted to invest the $20 bucks into it. Reason being is that I'm not that big of a Robin fan. My favorite Batman stories are the ones that focus on him as a dark and ruthless loner, forced to shut out everyone but Alfred as he hunts the twisted streets of Gotham for the evil and corrupt. I'm a Frank Miller kinda man. Robin has always seemed so goofy and pointless to me, more Burt Ward than viable sidekick. Why would a dark avenger like the Batman enlist the help of a spunky pre-teen like Dick Grayson?
But this volume actually deals with that problem very well. Artist Tim Sale even describes his own Robin anxieties before they were assuaged by Loeb's great story and writing. And to be fair, Robin doesn't even make an appearance until well into the book, probably two thirds in.
This is a really great murder mystery that centers around the organized crime families of Gotham and the emergence of Two-Face (one of my personal favorite Bat-villians). And it just happens to get all the great baddies involved as well in roles that are much more believable than the ones presented in a Joel Schumacher film. The Joker, Penguin, the Riddler, Catwoman, Scarecrow: they're all here. Hell, even Solomon Grundy makes an appearance!
All in all, this a great pick-up for even the casual Batman fan. If you're looking for something to read and enjoy a good graphic novel now and again, be sure to put this on your list.