I'm too fucking tired and lazy to post something original

This blog has really imbibed me with a sense of responsibility lately; I always feel guilty if I go too long without posting something. I get worried the few readers I maybe have will grow bored in my absence and beat it to a bigger and better blog (alliteration anyone?). Anyways, since I am so bogged down in papers and such at the present I thought I would leave you with a little poem until such time I can return. It can take the place of the quote for this week. It is taken from Edgar Allan Poe's short story "Ligeia" and it's actually my personal favorite of his. Enjoy.

THE CONQUEROR WORM

Lo! 'tis a gala night
Within the lonesome latter years!
An angel throng, bewinged, bedight
In veils, and drowned in tears,
Sit in a theatre, to see
A play of hopes and fears,
While the orchestra breathes fitfully
The music of the spheres.

Mimes, in the form of God on high,
Mutter and mumble low,
And hither and thither fly-
Mere puppets they, who come and go
At bidding of vast formless things
That shift the scenery to and fro,
Flapping from out their Condor wings
Invisible Woe!

What motley drama- oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.

But see, amid the mimic rout
A crawling shape intrude!
A blood-red thing that writhes from out
The scenic solitude!
It writhes!- it writhes!- with mortal pangs
The mimes become its food,
And seraphs sob at vermin fangs
In human gore imbued.

Out- out are the lights- out all!
And, over each quivering form,
The curtain, a funeral pall,
Comes down with the rush of a storm,
While the angels, all pallid and wan,
Uprising, unveiling, affirm
That the play is the tragedy, "Man,"
And its hero the Conqueror Worm.

The Great White Hype

If you subscribe to the image to the right, well, then you are a fool. On the surface it would seem that the Batman wouldn't have a fighting chance against Supes. "Isn't it lucky for the Caped Crusader that they fight on the same side?" you say to yourself. "Superman can do anything and everything and he's essentially invincible to boot. Batman is just some weird rich guy who dresses in black and plays with some silly gadgets." All of these things would be true if not for one simple and glaring truth: Superman is a bitch.
That's right, I called The Man 'o Steel a fucking pussy-ass bitch. Bring it, ye followers of Krypton. Who does this guy think he is anyway? This is an old point with me but it recently came to the surface again after I watched the new Superman movie teaser trailer. I'm not sure if this was present in the comics or just something some marketing exec came up with in a wet dream, but they are basically trying to push Kal El as some holy son and saviour sent to Earth to redeem mankind by his mystical and all-knowing father. Uh, hello!? Clark Kent is not Jesus of Nazareth in silk tights. The only redeeming factor of Superman is that he makes the rest of us look like less of dousche-bags standing next to him.
Seriously, why does anyone care anything about Supes or read his books? You can't write an interesting or compelling storyline about the guy because you know he's never in any real danger or is going to have any real problems overcoming the obstacles or bad guys. There's no fucking suspense! I mean, the stories are all about Bizarro Worlds and Pocket Universes . . . what the fuck is that about exactly?
Superpowers? Flies - check. Jumps really high and runs really fast - check. X-ray eyes - check. Super strength - check. Impervious to bullets and otherwise invincible - check. Fucking A! Give the guy a damn weakness already! Why does he need super jumping or super speed if he can fly? I mean give The Flash a break. The guy has one measly power; otherwise he's worthless. And you're telling me Supes is going to come in and break up his party and beat him in a race!? And how many special vision and breath powers can one guy have!? Pick one and stick to it. "Well Tim, he can't look through lead. Obviously he's got limits." Yeah, I'm sure Mr. and Mrs. Kent were really concerned that their son wasn't going to make master plumber . . . sheeesh. His major weakness is a rare stone from his home planet that is found almost nowhere or is far too expensive for anyone other than Lex Luthor to afford. Sure, I don't think Batman is gonna get shot by some nameless thug on the street anytime soon, but at least it's possible and something he has to worry about. The only thing Superman has to worry about when he goes heroing is his cowlick and how much of a dipshit he looks like.
Doesn't anyone else find it a little weird that Clark Kent is the proto-typical Aryan WASPy frat guy and that a bunch of Jews created the character? Really kinda creates an ironic situation when he goes to Poland to fight the Nazis in the '40s. And Clark Kent is a terrible secret identity. Why the fuck does Superman need a day job? Is he such an egomaniac that he has to save the world from utter destruction and then cover himself in the newspaper? As if the general public had never heard of Superman and needed to be fucking filled in. Hey Clark, I think they got it man.
Now Bruce Wayne is a real character. This guy has some deep-seeded issues. He isn't sure if he wants to fucking kill you or simply cripple you and leave you living the rest of your days in a psych ward pissing yourself everytime the lights go off. He's not your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man; he's the Batman, the Dark Knight, a black force of demonic vengeance that will fuck you up no matter who you are or who you paid to keep you safe. Batman not only puts away the psychos, he's just short of being one himself. He's a scientist, a detective, a philanthropist, a playboy, a martial arts master, a multi-billionaire businessman, and a badass. And I guarantee you that Bruce Wayne owns some kryptonite, so fucking watch out Supes. Keep your Brawny Man reject, Seinfeld; Batman will kick his alien ass any day of the week.

Disciple of the Reading Rainbow

You know I only made one real New Year's resolution this year: READ MORE. I used to read so much when I was younger; I've always read a lot but it seems that I've fallen off in the last couple of years and not kept up with stuff. When I was a kid I devoured books; I would easily read a 200-300 page book in a matter of hours. I've always attributed a lot of my intelligence to my reading habits; nothing helps you learn or stretches your brain better than reading. Fuck school; if you have the books you can always teach yourself. I know when I was in kindergarten I read at a 4th or 5th grade level. Anyways . . . I figured I would try to discipline myself and try to read a book a week this year. I'm a little behind already having read only four books in about seven weeks, but to be fair none of the books have been less than 600 pages. In total, my pleasure reading has numbered 3,546 pages so far. Of course, this hasn't included any of my school reading, which has added a couple of hundred of pages to be sure. Al Bakri, Lacan, Mulvey, the Qur'an, Ibn Battuta: what absolute fun this semester has been so far. If I can hit 20,000 pages and about 52 books this year I'll be pretty pleased with myself. So if you're bored go read a book. If you need a suggestion just email me and I'll give you a list. Start with Dracula though; you won't regret it.

Quote of the Week:

"But the Count! Never did I imagine such wrath and fury, even to the demons of the pit. His eyes were positively blazing. The red light in them was lurid, as if the flames of hell-fire blazed behind them. His face was deathly pale, and the lines of it were hard like drawn wires; the thick eyebrows that met over the nose now seemed like a heaving bar of white-hot metal . . . "

Bram Stoker - Dracula

Witness 2: We Stopped Watching After Hollywood Homicide

Thank God! At least I'm not the only one to feel this way! Hang it up Harrison and go fly your helicopter. I think someone needs rescuing right about now. Allie McBizzle is about to gorge herself on celery stalks and your publicist wants her earring back; it was an anniversary gift from her husband.

Gotta vent . . .

What the fuck is your Goddamn problem? I came by your house to say fuckin' hello. You know I have a fucking hard job; I sell newspapers door-to-door. It's how I survive in the world. I'm not here to rape you bitch. Chill the fuck out. All I said was, "Hi, I'm Tim." Is that threatening? I understand you might have been a little freaked out. That's why I immediately let you know that I'm with the newspaper. Did I stutter? Is this a race thing? I apologize for how your people were treated by people of my color, but that doesn't mean every 'cracker' come knocking is here to commit hate crimes. You know, sometimes I knock on people's doors and little kids come peeking throught the windows to see who it is. "Mommy, there's some whitey at the door!" Excuse me!? Is that how you raise your children? You live in a $350k+ home neighborhood; what do you have to be afraid of? This is Lawrenceville, not Eastpoint. What if I raise my children to refer to everyone darker than them as 'niggers'? Who are we helping? We're just propagating the same old cycle that is killing our spirits and leaving us in a dark ignorance. Grow up people! The shit works both ways! I'm not saying my side is blameless at all, but how is it gonna get better if everyone keeps mistrusting everyone else and calling the cops? In the past year, two black guys came knocking at my door. One had me drive him to the projects for crack as a 'favor' and the other tried to break in to do God knows what to me while I was asleep. Should I let two bad experiences color the entirety of my life? Certainly not! A lot of us are Christians, most of us are Americans, and we all are human beings so let's find a common theme here and get over this nonsense!
And for the cop who came and ruined my night: I'm sorry you might be unhappy with your day or hell, your life in general, but why take it out of everyone you come across? I know you want to save the world one solicitor at a time, but why not concentrate on something that is actually harming the community instead of wasting your time and killing my night. I'm just a college kid selling newspapers; meanwhile the rednecks in the trailer park up the street are cooking meth to sell to kids. Pick your battles Officer Williamson.
Sorry for anyone who found this post offensive; anyone who knows me decently well knows I tell it like it is. Sure, I have biases and predjudices like everybody else but I try to stay pretty objective and just observe it as I see it. Like I said I just wanted to vent after a shitty night . . . so think as you will.

Casting call

After the Oscar noms were announced I saw that the trend of younger talent being recognized is not only continuing, but getting stronger. Even though Dame Judi Dench continues to be nominated every year, the overall groups of women (whom I am focusing on here) are getting pretty young and remaining so. And the Best Actress category seems to be the most groundbreaking in the last couple of years as well: admitting Halle Berry as the first black Best Actress, the "Whale Rider" girl as the youngest nominee for Best Actress, my sweetheart Catalina as the first Spanish-speaking nominee, and Charlize Theron as the first Oscar winner to successfully make the jump from former model to real actress (sorry Milla). All in all, pretty wild stuff. This year, Michelle Williams looks poised to grab the Best Supporting statuette and the coveted "First Dawson's Creek Alum to Actually Do Something With Their Lives Other Than Excite Tom Cruise Into A Freakish Adolescent Frenzy Award" for her role in the ever-popular "Brokeback Mountain." In the spirit of all this estro-mania I decided to make a little list of my own to award deserving actresses. As follows are the Top 10 actresses I would love to work/sleep with in the process of shooting a film.

10) Ziyi Zhang: Her work is both powerful and subtle and she commands the physicality and grace for action films and the presence for drama. I've never really been all that attracted to Asians, but she's hot.
9) Emmanuelle Chriqui: I first noticed her in the college comedy 100 Girls and since then in bit work, such as Waiting and HBO's Entourage. I don't know much about her acting, but she's fucking hot!
8) Uma Thurman: If she's good enough for Quentin, she's good enough for me.
7) Natalie Portman: She's been nominated for an Oscar and she was in Star Wars!? Duh!
6) Scarlett Johannson: I actually fell in love with her before Bill Murray and Sofia Coppola did. Ghost World anyone?
5) Kate Beckinsale: In Underworld she plays a hot, Goth vampire chick who takes pity on us mere mortals. Harry Knowles just creamed his pants.
4) Keira Knightley: See # 7 plus British accent. (Star Wars Trivia: She and Natalie Portman both played Queen Amidala in Episode I)
3) Charlize Theron: I honestly do respect Charlize's acting chops. Evan and I saw Monster and it was pretty powerful. In addition, I'd bat cleanup to Stephan Jenkins any day of the week.
2) Jessica Alba: Wow, talk about a strong argument for interracial marriage. I actually do think she's a good actor; I'm just worried she's gonna get type-cast into comic book roles. Guess I'll have to rescue her.
1) Catalina Sandino Moreno: I love her and I will marry her.

Quote of the Week:

"Apropos of sleep, that sinister adventure of all our nights, we may say that men go to bed daily with an audacity that would be incomprehensible if we did not know that it is the result of ignorance of the danger."

- Baudelaire

At the Movies: Firewall

This flick . . . sucked as much dick as a methadone whore looking to score some real junk. Why can't Harrison Ford just let it go? Buddy, you aren't hot shit anymore. We all loved you, but you lost it soon after 'Air Force One.' You started dating that skeleton and you no longer could even pick out a good script. And by the way, you can't do a good Russian accent.
This movie offered nothing interesting or new. Bank robbery scheme . . . pretty simple. The producers' strategy here was to fill it full of good actors and let them try to save a pretty sorry script. Virginia Madsen needs another Oscar nom role; I just hope she is a better mother than she plays onscreen. Paul Bettany is another one of those great actors to come out of Britain that is just completely wasted on an American screen. He's always pulled good films together to make them pass above the grade (Master & Commander anyone?) but he can't save this boring thriller. Why award an actor a lead and not provide him with a role that can't support his craft? Simply stunning. And whomever was shooting the final fight scene needs to never work in Hollywood again. If you screw up this abysmally; it wasn't meant to happen. We all love Hong Kong action and quick cuts and close zooms but you aren't really getting it. See ya. And for whomever is doing the casting . . . hire some fucking kids that aren't so annoying you find yourself rooting for them to die. Doneski.

So strange . . .

Facebook proved its worth! A good friend of mine from elementary school recently contacted me through the website to catch up and see how I'm doing. I know you might think it's weird to wanna talk to people you haven't had contact with for 12+ years, but I spent some important, formative years down in Savannah and a younger, more innocent part of me will always remain there. As I emailed Jason to let him know my abbreviated life story since leaving, I was struck with an ensemble of memories. I found myself asking after people I haven't thought about in years. Hell, Jason was my best friend back there and I really have never made any major effort to keep in touch with him or look him up. I sent a couple of letters early on, but I soon fell off in even that practice. How easy it is to let some people go. People you thought you would never abandon. Karen, Laura: do you still keep in touch with your friends from KC, even though you may have left them behind in a surplus of years and maturity? It seems strange sometimes. Is it in this way that I put __ aside or is that a different story completely? Why do I wallow in such old matters?
I often curse myself. Why was I granted such a mind? Such a memory? I hold so much in my rotten skull; things that ordinary folk would have discarded ages ago. Sometimes I wish I was a normal person with average intelligence. Am I meant to be part of some selective intelligentsia? Or is it all some bi-polar sense of pride? How did I get so off-track here? I had a point once; no longer it seems. As I seem to remember, this was meant to be a Valentine's Day themed post. Uhhhh . . . I guess. Well, Happy Valentine's Day then. I've drunkenly rambled too long. Many apologies. Maybe I'll provide some cheap amusement at the least.

I'm going to regret writing this post tomorrow because it may be a little too introspective for a blog . . .

Is it very wrong to miss someone from your past? Is it wrong to hope they might pop up again in your future? When does sweet remembrance become obsessive dwelling? When my ex and I broke up, I thought I would never get over her and that I would hold a torch for her forever. I managed a number of years, but I finally grew up and let go. Now I think of __ all the time instead. Well, not all of the time, but a lot. Am I stupid for that? Especially considering that we never officially shared anything at all. I sometimes find myself wondering if all the time I spent with her was just a dream, or that at the very least I built her into something that she wasn't at all and never could be. I wonder if at times she still thinks about me and the times we shared or has she forgotten me completely? I have so much regret . . . such desire to go back and fix things, to put them right. But right for whom? Did I really imagine all of those memories, those secret glances, those flirtations, those times when perhaps just a single word or the slightest touch would have torn a hole in the fabric of the status quo and spilt all the unsaid wants and desires and needs into plain view, into open sight - where they had to be answered? Remorse is a poor bedfellow for the fool that love makes. And which is more foolish: the love or the remorse?
Now I am in a situation where I have someone who likes me, enjoys my company, and wants me. And I . . . I have not a shred of feeling for her. She's a nice girl but there is no spark . . . no intrigue. I feel bad . . . I don't want to hurt her, but I also don't want to engage in some churlish charade, some empty farce simply because I don't have another option at hand. I am not often put in this situation either. The reason of my head cries, "Take what you can get." Which does make sense; I mean the girl is not unattractive to be sure. People always tell me I have such high standards. Is that true? Am I just afraid to accept what may be worldly truth and have my ideals of love and attraction shattered? Who would I be then? And why the fuck can't I just grow a pair of the balls that my gender is so lauded and despised for and fucking call __!?

A Question of Death Metal

As per request here is the playlet that I wrote for class the other day. Enjoy.

(Outside of a rock ‘n roll club in some non-descript little American town. It’s around dusk and loud music can be heard from inside. SEAN PFEIFFER and MARK CASSIDY, both 18, are milling about in front. SEAN is stick-thin, wears thick glasses, and has a shock of messy black hair. MARK is grossly overweight and has a shaved head. Both are dressed all in black and are wearing heavy metal T-shirts.)

MARK
FUCKING ‘A! Can you fucking believe it!? I sure as hell can’t! Can you fucking believe that guy!? Man, I shoulda stomped his sorry ass into the concrete . . . I mean I was just about to . . . I mean I would have ‘cept . . . except it wasn’t worth the effort, FUCK!

SEAN
Yeah, how messed up was that? I can’t believe we drove an hour and a half here for absolutely nothing. I should have known we weren’t going to get in. Hell, I should have stayed at home. We could have been playing D&D with the others like we originally planned. At least that way Greg could have scored us some beer from his dad’s fridge. I bet they’re just getting started right now. They are gonna laugh at us for being such idiots.
(To himself)
Why did I let Mark drag me here?
(Back to MARK)
Well, what do you want to do now?

MARK
What do I want to do now? WHAT DO I WANT TO DO NOW!? I’ll tell you what I want to do. I want to go back there and punch that bouncer in the face like I should have done the first time. I still can’t believe that douche-bag wouldn’t let us in. I mean, you look just like your brother in that picture and everybody tells me I look 21. Hell, just the other day this chick told me I looked pretty old for my age.

SEAN
Mark . . . dude, that was your mom. I was there. And you look pretty obese for your age . . . not old. The only thing you get mistaken for is the Pillsbury dough boy. And I don’t think he can get into bars either.

MARK
(pauses)
Oh yeah . . . I know THAT was my mom, Sean. I was talking about this hot bitch at school . . . she said I looked pretty old too. You know, maybe if we snuck around the back . . . I’m sure there’s another way in.

SEAN
No way dude. Besides, you’ve done enough. I mean, fuck, you cried so much when we got denied that the bouncer said he was going to have to call the cops. You CRIED for God’s sake.

MARK
What the fuck do you want? I mean, does he know we’re missing Slayer? The best death metal band in the fucking history of the world? Anyways, those were tears of rage. You know how the Incredible Hulk turns green when he gets mad and is about to fuck someone’s shit up? Well, I’m the same way . . . except I cry tears of blood to freak out my enemies. Lucky for him you intervened.

SEAN
You . . . are . . . so . . . fucking retarded. Listen to the words that are coming out of your mouth. One . . . Megadeth would kick Slayer’s ass any day of the week. Two . . . you’re nothing like the Incredible Hulk; you don’t even have a passing resemblance to Bruce Banner for God’s sakes. Three . . . you are a fucking bitch and you were crying. Just normal, bitch tears.

MARK
I can’t believe you. You’re supposed to be my best friend and you attack me like this. How can you say that Megadeth is better? Man, you call yourself a Slayer fan? I mean, Dave Mustaine is a Metallica reject. And Marty Friedman? Dimebag Darrell could play circles around him . . . and he’s dead.

SEAN
Dude, totally weak. That’s blasphemy to talk about Dimebag like that.
(SEAN throws his hands into the air)
Besides, what the fuck am I even doing here arguing with you? I should be at home, or hanging out at Greg’s, or . . . even better, I should be calling Shauna right now begging her to take me back. Yeah, that’s what I’m going to do . . . as soon as I get home. Let’s go back to the car.

MARK
Come on, do we really have to go down this road again? If you start bitching about your ex-girlfriend I’ll fucking punch you in the face. Let’s find a way into this concert and have a good time. So she caught you making out with Princess Leia at the comic book convention . . . big deal. It’s not like she never cheated on you. Hey, by the way I never asked you. Was that girl dressed up in classic white or the slave girl costume from Return of the Jedi?

SEAN
Slave girl . . . what do you mean Shauna cheated on me? With who?
(MARK looks sheepish)
Just TELL me!

MARK
Shit, man I’m sorry. I thought you knew. It was that Keith Taylor kid from Lakeside. I heard . . . I heard she fucked him in the bathroom of a Chucky Cheese. How hilarious is that shit? What the FUCK were they doing in a Chucky Cheese?
(SEAN is growing visibly angry, scowling and clenching his fists)
I don’t know what she saw in that guy anyway. He’s fatter than me . . . although I did hear he has a great Spider-Man collection. He’s got every book from the Venom-Maximum Carnage storylines. I wish I—
(SEAN hits MARK square in the face. They end up wrestling on the ground. Eventually the fight stops and they separate bloodied and scuffed up. MARK is crying again.)
Why the FUCK did you hit me you ASSHOLE!?

SEAN
Because YOU’RE the asshole Mark! You bitched at me until I agreed to come to this stupid concert with you, you bitched at me to drive, you bitched the whole way here, you bitched because we had to buy tickets from a scalper, you bitched because they were too expensive, you bitched cuz you were hungry, you bitched cuz we got here late cuz you had to eat, you bitched at the door guy for not letting us in, and now you’re bitching at me for hitting you because you’re talking shit about my girlfriend. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT ME TO DO!?

MARK
Shit, man I’m sorry. I guess I just got so worked up about the concert today I didn’t think. Sorry. Well, we’re having a fucking shitty day. No girlfriends and no Slayer. You know . . . I think that God hates us. I just want you to know that.

SEAN
Yeah, he does.

MARK
(Stands up and begins to chant)
God hates us! God hates us! God hates us all! God hates us all!
(Meanwhile the bouncer comes from inside and pulls SEAN aside to tell him something. The whole time MARK continues to chant, even pulling aside strangers walking by to tell them.)
C’mon man, say it with me. God hates us all! God hates us all!

SEAN
(Reacting to what the bouncer is telling him and getting visibly excited.)
What!? Jesus, are you fucking kidding me!? Mark, guess what!? This guy is telling us he’ll sneak us in the back door . . . and even give us BACKSTAGE PASSES!

MARK
HALLELUIAH!!! GOD LOVES US! FUCKING ‘A! Can you fucking believe it!? Can you fucking believe that guy!? What a cool motherfucker! I’m so glad I didn’t stomp his face like I said I was going to! SLAYER RULES!

Is there a better feeling in the world?

I just got out of my script-writing class 20 minutes ago and I am still on the greatest high I've ever felt. I wanted to capture the feeling in words and put it down here, but as I'm going over it in my head I don't even know what to say. We had a writing assignment for today: to write a 3-5 play out of a 6 line conversation someone else in class overheard. I stayed up all night last night wrestling with the damn thing and putting it down and I finally came out with something that didn't look like fertilizer and I personally was pretty pleased with. I thought it lacked some things, maybe was a little dumb in some spots, but what the hell? I very bravely offered to have it read in class today and it turned out to be best move of the week. Everyone loved it; they laughed at all the right spots and cheered and by the end I was in complete euphoria. The guys who read it delivered it great and really kept a rhythm going. The professor reviewed it and pretty much gave it the mark of model perfection; said it had a good conflict, sense of occasion, good characters, good build-up to a climax, etc, etc. After it was all over everyone turned around to where I sat in the back of class and congratulated me. The cute girl who sits in front of me spun in her chair and just gushed over it and told me she loved it. I was in such daze I didn't hear half of what she said. I don't want to seem arrogant or anything, but I definitely believe out of all the stuff we have read in class so far this semester, this was the fan favorite and one of the better pieces written. What an absolute joy to breathe life into something and create something out of nothing; to create real and funny characters and give them some substance to act out and talk about. Well I just wanted to rave, even if I wasn't very modest about it. It really made my day and I don't think I'll stop grinning for awhile. My face already hurts.

Reading The Onion in the SLC is a bad idea

I've made a lot of mistakes . . . had a lot of bad ideas in my lifetime, but this one has got to take the proverbial cake. So I'm sitting in the Student Learning Center on the computer. Just checking my email and surfing the web between classes. I get a little memo that there is a new issue of The Onion out today. I think to myself, "I'll check that out." Mere minutes later, I'm getting all sorts of stares from everyone around me. I've just read an article on Sudden Elderly Death Syndrome and I'm trying to suppress the urge to laugh. My sides are aching and I have to cover my mouth to prevent myself from guffawing out loud. I take a breath and get it under control and figure it's safe to continue to the next article. How wrong I was. The guy sitting next to me can only look over with a look of sheer annoyance and utter contempt. "What the fuck is this dude giggling about!?" is what he's thinking. Finally, I can't go on and have to run to the water fountain to calm down, each step my body threatening to erupt into full-scale belly laughs just thinking about this shit. So as a warning to all my readers: Don't read The Onion in a library environment. You might be asked to leave.

The small wonders of life. . . and the Force

This is a short little guy; just something I thought about today. For those of you readers who don't know I'm currently undergoing RCIA classes to be iniated into the Catholic Church. I had lost my faith for a while, and my sister was one person who helped me regain it and begin to be interested in becoming Catholic officially. As someone who has always had strong faith in the existence of God and was raised in the midst of a very German-Catholic family I pretty much just need these classes to clear up a few questions I have and get the actual sacramental procedures and rituals down. However, it is nice to be amongst people who are going through a similar experience that I can relate to; it also serves to help my emotional well-being and health. Anyways, my sister Kate is my sponsor and comes to class with me to help guide me through the spiritual journey I am undertaking. But of late, the classes and the Christian community has seemed to benefit her more than me. She got engaged within the past year, and within the last couple of months has been having perhaps a few reservations about getting married so young. She definitely loves her fiance but is just having doubts about her ability to pursue her education and career while getting married. The marriage has been pushed back a little and is causing some stress between her and her fiance, understandably. Anyways, she has made friends with some of the older, middle-aged women in class. Tonight we talked about the sacrament of marriage and I could tell Kate really got a lot out of it. After class was over, she had a long conversation with the woman who led the discussion and she seemed to get a lot of guidance from her about marriage and such. Simple point is this: I just thought it was amazing to see my sister get such a spiritual and emotional lift out of something that was originally intended for me. Even though I'm not getting married anytime soon and the classes are intended to educate us who aren't Baptized or confirmed, my sister, a devout Catholic, is receiving the most help from them. She pushed me towards my faith, and my journey is helping her as well as me. How beautiful is that? I hate to continue to push Star Wars, but how much is this like the Force? Every little action you take affects someone. For example, I chose to pursue Catholicism and my sister finds spiritual guidance for her problems concerning her upcoming marriage. Every action echoes and affects someone, whether you know it or not. Whether it is Star Wars, Christianity, or Buddhism, everything matters. Always remember that. It's hard for me to be a depressed pessimist with this sort of beauty prevailing all around us. No man is an island and everything little thing you do matters. And that's a beautiful thing.

At the Movies: 2005 Wrap-Up

The first and biggest thing I can say about this year in American movies was that there were a lot of ups and downs. I wouldn't say it was a bad year for films, but I wouldn't rush to claim it as one the best ever either. It seemed that it started with lot of promise, but as the summer season progressed nothing really came out that warranted a lot of attention. And I'm yet to see many of the Oscar hopefuls, but none really jumped out and seemed to warrant a lot of attention or gather much hype other than Brokeback Mountain. And the films that did look interesting such as Syriana, Good Night, and Good Luck, and The Constant Gardener didn't stay long in the theaters. The box was well off of expectations and surely caused a few lost jobs in Tinseltown. I haven't run any numbers or checked statistics but nothing really seemed to have much staying power other than Harry Potter or Episode III. And some great talent seemed to get some rather bad advice from their agents (see Will Ferrell & Tom Cruise). The Oscar nominations aren't very inspiring other than the apparent youth movement (Heath Ledger, Keira Knightely, Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Williams, Reese Witherspoon) and were conducted on auto-pilot. Here's a list of some main points from 2005.

• We saw great triumph and sadness as the Golden Era of the Fanboy Film came to an end with the release of Revenge of the Sith. Fuck all you little babies who wrote George and the series off. TPM & AOTC had some flaws and all you could do was whine about how Lucas was killing your childhood and the series was doomed. ROTS was remarkable, breath-taking, and even touching. If you still have problems with the prequels, go make a fan film or become a Trekkie. Cuz us real fans don't want you around.
• What happened to Cinderella Man? I really loved this flick, but no one went to see it and it seemingly got no studio support.
• A lot of big name, established directors missed the mark: Spielberg, Burton, Ron Howard, etc. Kudos to Robert Rodriguez, Paul Haggis, George Clooney, and Christopher Nolan. I look forward to more.
• The continuing success of comic-book movies has produced such steaming piles of shit as Elektra and Catwoman, but I'll take those if it means producers are willing to take long, hard looks at great graphic novels such as Sin City and A History of Violence. How great is this for the industry? I hear Frank Miller's 300 is currently in production. Hell ya.
• Does anyone even care that Woody Allen continues to make movies?
• I'm glad to see that Philip Seymour Hoffman (one of my personal favorites) is getting some love in Hollywood, but did he have to get nominated for playing a really weird writer with an incredibly annoying voice?
• Who green-lit Son of the Mask? Why should some hot-shot NY banker decide for himself that he knows anything at all about the art of the cinema and what would make a commercial and/or critical hit?
• The Dukes of Hazzard: see above + Jessica Simpson.
• Thank the Lord that The Fountain is finally almost upon us. Evan, how long have we waited for this movie since hearing about it? It had to be right after Requiem came out. Brad Pitt, why did you leave this movie? I used to have a non-sexual crush on you and then you got into a fight with Darren Aronofsky and made Troy and your marriage fell apart. What happened man? You used to be gold.
• Miami Vice looks fucking badass. Michael Mann, I love what you're doing with your cinematography lately.
• Please don't make us wait another seven years, Quentin. Quit directing CSI episodes and finish something. Whether it's Grindhouse or Inglorious Bastards, I don't care. Just shoot a damn movie.

Here's to 2006.

Quotes of the Week:

"My son, walk not in the way with them, hold back your foot from their path! For their feet run to evil, they hasten to shed blood.

- Proverbs 1, verse 15-16

"He it is Who sends His blessings on you, and His angels, that He may bring you forth out of utter darkness into the light; and He is Merciful to the believers."

- The Qur'an: Surah 33 "The Allies", verse 43

An Addendum

After writing the movie quotes article, I realized that I had left out many quality films that belong in my personal pantheon. I decided to increase the number to 20 films, so the following are a list of what I originally disregarded. No attempt to rank them has been made. Thank you for your understanding. Honorable mention to Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

20) KIDS- Never has a discourse on the nature of Christ and His sacrifice been better delivered. "You got gold?"
19) Anchorman: The Story of Ron Burgundy- This documentary is a perfect example of how the male/female dynamic should be treated in the modern-day workplace. Women are inferior only because their periods attract bears. It's science.
18) Kindergarten Cop- The earlier Arnold arguments apply here as well.
17) The Vacation movies- Chevy Chase is the uncle you always wanted. Cousin Eddie is a model for aspiring alcoholics; the six-pack hanging off your belt is absolutely acceptable in comtemporary society.
16) Ferris Bueller's Day Off- Anyone who visits Chicago should re-create this epic day. The wisdom of Abe Frohman is eternal.
15) Caddyshack- 'nuff said.
14) The Big Lebowski- Yeah, I'm biased. What member of Footballksi wouldn't be? I could repeat a lot of lines, but we all know them don't we?
13) Dumb & Dumber- "So you're sayin' there's a chance."
12) Any Wes Anderson movie- Some love Rushmore but I'm a Tenenbaums kinda guy. And what about Dignan and Bottlerocket? "How did Bob get such a great kitchen?" Pictures of me as Richie Tenenbaum sure to follow.

Quote of the Week:

"The same thing that makes you live can kill you in the end."

- Neil Young

Pick a Side of the Aisle

I just wanted to address something that came up in the Georgia General Assembly a couple of weeks ago. The state Democratic Party recently introduced a bill that would allow state high schools to offer an elective class that taught the Bible as an important historical and literary document. They mentioned its importance as a source for the fields of literature, history, science, political science, and such. I whole-heartedly agree with it in terms of using the Bible as source material. When I was in high school we had a week of Bible study in senior English class to better understand it in terms of it being used as source material for many poems and other literary works. Milton's Paradise Lost or Dante's Inferno would be pretty worthless without the proper reference. Similarily, you wouldn't undergo intensive study of medieval Europe without understanding the role of the Catholic Church. It just wouldn't work. While I see what the Dems were going for, I certainly am against it.
In case you aren't aware, we are coming off a huge religion v. education debate in Georgia. In Cobb County (just a couple of miles from my home) they had a huge issue with evolution and intelligent design in the textbooks and classrooms of the Cobb schools. Certain biology textbooks were issued with a sticker disclaimer that stated that evolution was just a theory and not scientific fact. Nevertheless, it became a huge thing for conservatives and Democrats to fight over. It's something that makes you embarrassed to be from the area; usually this stuff happens somewhere else in the country.
Anyways, the same Democrats who argued against the intelligent design in schools are now pushing for teaching the Bible in our school systems. How big of hypocrites are these guys? I'm all for learning the Bible, even though I personally don't feel it demands a class to itself as a high school elective. I think the way I learned it was acceptable to both the course curriculuum and US Constitution. Students who felt uncomfortable were not forced to attend class that week. You can't ignore the impact Christianity has had on this country and culture, but by the same token I don't think you can push direct Bible study in school. What makes me so mad about this is that the same Democrats who so vehemently fought against the intelligent design issue are now pushing this class to appeal to Southern Bible-Beaters to fill the polls and help get re-elected. That is disgusting. I'm not pushing for either side here, but it is awful what the Dems are trying to get away with. If you are so against religion in school, stick with it. Don't cross the aisle a couple of months later to grab some votes. It's no wonder that Georgia Dems are considered some of the dirtiest politicians in the country. Just my thoughts.

Saved His Life

You know I was out on map today trying to sell some damn papers and it just got to me. It was raining, people were mean, and that just seemed to set me off. I started to despair and before I knew it, full-blown depression was threatening to descend. It's strange to actually feel this thing take place; not just in your head but throughout your body. I hate to break it down to just chemical reactions but you can really feel it happening if you pay attention. Anyways, today was such a great day and I hated to be depressed for almost no reason. I hate this story but I started to pull a Peter Pan and think happy thoughts. And it really worked; I ended up goosing for the night and making no money but I ended up happy. It's so rare that I beat the feeling on my own that I thought I would share some of the things that cheered me up.
- getting a good reaction for my writing in class
- the pretty girl that sits in front of me in dramatic writing class
- helium balloons
- Van Halen's Right Now
- memories of me, Annie, and Blue
- getting drunk with lada and Kare-bear in Chicago (Nathan repeatedly calling me Mike!)
- partying like a rockstar with Alf & the Frat Guys
- 3-ways at Skyline Chili
- King's Island
- going to Red's games with my cousin and uncle and eating peanuts
- being Kate's big brother (I remember when it was just us)
- Spider-Man comics
- me and Deven hitchhiking and shooting bows & arrows
- the exact, orgasmic moment when a fish strikes your line
- wild, wacky, inflatable, arm-waving tube men
- The Family Guy
- Kitson & Bitson
- me and Tyler swimming down the Ocoee
- The Royal Tenenbaums
- a good book, especially Treasure Island
Life is beautiful. Veritas.

The Pit-Stop

This is a little scene I wrote for my script-writing class. It's not much, just a little thing our prof had us do for class. He gave us the guidelines that it had to take place in a diner with placemats (just in case you wondering why the placemat line is a little random). This is what I came up with. It's called "The Pit-Stop."

(EDDIE CASSOCK, 44 and ELISABETH DOYLE, 12 are sitting in a booth at a greasy spoon diner. It’s 11:00pm and they are the only people in the diner other than their waitress.)

EDDIE
Clear your eyes sunshine. It’s time to refuel; we’ve still got a ways ahead of us before we get home to your mom. I’m sure she’s not gonna get much sleep tonight; she’ll be up worrying about us getting there safely.

WAITRESS
How’s it goin’? What’ya have?

EDDIE
Gimme four eggs, over easy, hashbrowns and toast, but none of that whole-grain wheat crap. Just regular toast. And a cup of coffee too. Ah hell, you know what? You better make that a jug of coffee instead. The last thing I need to be doing is fallin’ asleep at the wheel.

WAITRESS
(She turns to ELISABETH)
And your daughter?

ELISABETH
I’m not his –

EDDIE
--You know, she’s not hungry right now. It’s been a long drive and she can just nibble of my plate if she wants.
(He grabs ELISABETH’S arm)
What are you tryin’ to do? Get me in trouble? You are such a fuckin’ brat, I don’t know why I’m doin’ this for your mom. You see this placemat? We ain’t long from dad’s in Albuquerque. I still have to drag your skinny butt all the way across the desert to get to Santa Monica. Don’t get it into your pretty little head that this is some father-daughter pleasure cruise and we’re going to see the Grand Canyon to bond and become fast friends. I’m as ready as you are for this shit to be over. So don’t gimme a reason to dump your ass in the middle of the Mojave. Cuz I won’t think twice about doing it sweetheart.

ELISABETH
My daddy’s going to kick your ass when he catches up with us. He’s gonna beat you so bad that you’ll be real sorry.


EDDIE
Oh yeah? I didn’t know he beats up grown-ups as well. Hell, with as much junk as he’s on, I’m surprised he even manages 12 year old girls. Well, I got something for him if he does show up, honey.

ELISABETH
I know what you’re doing is illegal. And you’re definitely not ‘sposed to take me across state lines. Me and daddy saw it on COPS once. They busted this asshole for the very same thing you’re doing. ‘Cept he raped her too. Maybe I’ll tell the police you raped me when they find us. Anyways, you’re going to jail for so long.

EDDIE
So? I’ve been there before. I’m not worried about it and I sure ain’t scared to go again if it comes to that. What I am worried about is you shutting your big fat mouth. Your mom doesn’t need to hear your sass either; she’s sick enough as it is without you making it worse for her. And don’t let me catch you swearing in front of her. I came to get you to make her feel better and cheer her up. Anything less than that is beyond being unacceptable.

(ELISABETH is silent for a few seconds and glares silently at EDDIE)

ELISABETH

(quietly)
Do you love her? I mean, really love her?

EDDIE
What the hell kinda question is that for you to ask? Don’t bother me with that kind of shit.
(reflects for a moment)
Do you think I’d be doing all of this if I didn’t?

ELISABETH
I don’t know, maybe . . . well I guess not. Umm . . . what she’s like? I mean I’ve seen pictures of her and all but what’s she really like? Is she nice? Do you think she’ll remember me right away?

EDDIE
Whoa, hold your horses. Chill out with all of the questions and let’s keep it down to one at a time. Of course she remembers you; you’re her kid. Women don’t forget their own kids.
(awkwardly)
You really don’t remember her at all Lisbeth?



ELISABETH
(shakes her head)
Me and daddy moved to New Mexico when I was real little. He said she was crazy and we had to get away from her. All I remember is her hair. It smelled like—

EDDIE
-- Vanilla? Is that right?
(ELISABETH nods)
Yeah, I guess it does. Or it did before all of her hair fell out. Well, she’s a pretty amazing woman. I’d probably be dead, lying drunk in a gutter if not for her. She’s very kind and she’ll always help you out, even if you’re a stranger. That’s kinda how we met. She’s real smart . . . and funny too. She’s always telling jokes and laughing at the weirdest things. Hell, I don’t know how she does it, but your mom is about the strongest woman I’ve ever met. If I were her, I certainly wouldn’t ever get outta bed let alone smile as much as she does. But she manages it . . . and then some. Your dad’s an idiot if he thinks she’s crazy. The only thing she’s crazy about is you. And she does miss you Lisbeth. That makes her a little sad sometimes . . . having to be away from you all of the time.
(The waitress brings EDDIE’S food to him now. He thanks her but pushes it across the table to ELISABETH.)
Here sweetheart, why don’t you eat this instead? I’m not too hungry anymore. My appetite must have passed.

ELISABETH
I’m not real hungry either, Eddie. Let’s just go . . . you said you we still have a long way to drive before we get there. And she’s probably worrying about us.