Monday, August 14, 2006

Farewell sweet Athena

Well, everything's packed up and tomorrow I'm on the road to wondrous Duluth, Minnesota. I came home one day last week to a nasty letter taped to my door requesting my immediate vacation of the premises. Wednesday afternoon was spent in panic attacks and taking the long way to Columbia, SC. I holed up with lada for the better part of a week (say thankee), drank her beer, played with her dogs, and finally with a little bit of pushing I broke down and talked to my parents and my roommate and his father.
So now I'm off to the Great White North for an indeterminable period of time. Could be 2 weeks or 2 months. God help me if it's any longer. My goal is to be the hell out of there and somewhere new before the first snow falls. Unfortunately, the spur-of-the-moment move has prevented me from saying proper goodbyes and has not left enough time to throw together a last minute ticker-tape parade to see me off. If this caught you by surprise then I'm very sorry to leave without going through all the formalities. I promise to be in touch with people over the next few days especially and the next few months as well. And I'll do my damn best to get back for the Tennessee game. I'm glad to be gone but I'm a little sad to be going. I've spent the better part of 6 years in this town, which accounts for a full fourth of my life on this planet. So you'll have to excuse me if I'm a little attached, even though Athens has seen some of the worst moments and periods of my life.

Some things I will be missing:

- Agua Linda: the best margarita in town and some of best Mexican you've ever eaten. Try the goat meat burrito!

- Saturday football games and tailgating with some of the best friends a guy has ever known (shucks, I just teared up)

- Arguing with Matt over college vs. pros, politics, Mel Gibson, religion, and everything else you can imagine.

- Southern girls in sandals, halter tops, and white cotton skirts.

- One of the best college bar scenes in the country.

- Alf & the Frat Guys -- these are the best guys in the world to rock out, party hard, and have a great time with. Even though college turned out to be a great personal failure (at this point at least), I'm glad I came anyway just for the freshman-year roommates I had in the dorm.

- I talk a lot of shit about it, but for the most part I really did enjoy my days working for the AJC. I met a lot great people, got some killer job experience, and learned a lot about myself and the way the world works.

- Father Jack, Father Tom, Sister Joan and everybody that made the UGA Catholic Center such a wonderful experience. I have never enjoyed going to church as much as I did there, and I will really miss Father Jack's Masses and his good Franciscan humor and point of view.

I won't miss:

- Seeing Deven randomly downtown, on campus, or at the games and having to go through that kind of emotional upheaveal all the time.

Gotta go for now, but I'm sure there will be more to follow in the days to come.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Where did you sleep last night?

Why does alcohol cause us to search for newer and more intriguing places to sleep? If I drink heavily on any given night there is a 33% chance that I will wake up the next morning somewhere that is not my bed. Most often my liquor-induced state prompts me to wind up on the couch with the TV blaring theme music and displaying the DVD menus of either 'Legends of the Fall' or 'Boondock Saints'. I actually woke up on the couch at lada's house this previous morning.
I bring up this topic because lada herself just recently got home from a meet-and-greet with the next-door neighbors. I'm assuming she had fun because she immediately deposited herself on the floor next to the computer desk where I was attempting to put together my feeble words into some sort of cohesive narrative. So rather than continue to work on my amazing work of fiction I've started to think about funny passout scenarios that I've encountered in my adventures with the bottle.
Some comical end-of-night destinations:

- Freshman year of college featured some of my most outlandish passouts. I was fairly new to drinking so I tended to get drunk pretty quick and do some rather stupid stuff. Now I have a higher tolerance, but nothing else has really changed. One night I woke up outside down the street from my dorm. Apparently I had wanted to get in touch with my feminine side, because I had opted to sleep in some bushes outside of the Women's Studies building. Fortunately it was a weekend and therefore was not discovered by any studious young women on the way to class. Another time I felt it was a good idea to roll myself up in my roommate's area rug like a pig in a blanket. I must have looked like something out of a Looney Tunes cartoon.

- I officially do not like UGA football night games. I start tailgating pretty early so I never made it to one night game last season. The worst was the Auburn game. I passed out in a fold-up chair pretty early, only to wake up after halftime to find that I had been rolled in my seat with a full roll of paper towels. I was that guy.

- There's nothing more disgusting than waking up in a dumpster. I've done it . . . twice.

- I have very fond memories of the time Charles V passed out on the floor of the hallway in 321 E. Clayton with Boron singing Cutting Crew's "Just Died In Your Arms Tonight" at the top of his lungs to him. Years later, Charles would top this feat by sleeping on a fold-up card table.

- Don't ever drink over-proof Jamaican rum if you don't want to find yourself sitting with your wet ass in the kitchen sink.

Just a few of my better moments I thought I would share. Now if I could only master the art of waking up in a strange female's bed. Please share any funny stories you have to add to this list.

Drunken lada's quote of the day: "This reflects fair market balance."

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Fugitive in my own house

My life has officially reached '321 E. Clayton St.' levels. That was my residence during the worst year of my life in case you didn't know. I've been avoiding my roommate for the past week after his initial request for the rent check. He also gave me the lease to sign for the upcoming year; not quite sure what to do with that one. I haven't seen or talked to him since last Thursday. I wasn't coming out of my room for awhile; now I just haven't even been home for a few days. A few of my tricks have included:

- I take showers and leave my room only when my roommate is at work or class.
- I've been reduced to crawling out of my window to leave the apartment a couple of times to avoid discovery.
- One day last week I parked my truck in an entirely different part of the complex rather than in front of my house.
- I went to Atlanta for the weekend and am now hiding out at a friend's a mile down the street from my house. I came back to my clubhouse to use the computer but I won't go home until later tonight when my roommate is asleep. I'm looking forward to that since I haven't eaten since yesterday morning.

This would all be very comical if it wasn't so sad. And I'm about to run out of gas.

Friday, August 04, 2006

The Mel Gibson crisis

I'm sure everyone by now has heard about the big Mel Gibson DUI arrest and the not-too nice things he said about the Jewish people. If you haven't, check out this handy link. I would describe the trajectory of my feelings on this matter as shock--disappointment--disgust--pity. Then a couple of days ago I received an email from a friend -- we'll call him Chewy -- concerning the incident. Prior to the email I did not discuss this matter with him. I would like to make a few points of note concerning the Mel Gibson arrest and Chewy's subsequent missive.

Chewy's email:
"I was a wacko lib for pointing out the anti-Semitic tone of "Passion", and when I reminded people that Gibson's dad to this day is a Holocaust denier, and Mel has never called him an idiot, so therefore probably agrees with him, I was told that I was just mad b/c Mel Gibson had countered "Farhenheit 911" with a movie for the right that had a wholesome message and needed to get over it... Apology accepted."

1) Apologies to Chewy. I do not recall the aforementioned 'Passion vs. Fahrenheit' conversation. It may have happened, but I have never felt that 'Passion' was a counterpoint to Michael Moore's movie and therefore this doesn't sound like me. Maybe the convo was with someone else. Pay attention Chewy; it's the only apology you will get from me over this.

2) It's nice to know for someone like me that someone like Mel Gibson, a Hollywood icon and multi-millionaire who seemingly has everything going for him, can also believe that his "life is fucked."

3) Hutton Gibson is an idiot. Anyone who denies the Holocaust or seeks to undermine the true extent of it is beyond lunacy. Especially when there are mountains of physical evidence and eyewitness testimony that more than back up the fact that it existed. I've been to Dachau. I've seen the barracks, the gas chambers, and the ovens first hand. Open a history book moron! At least we live in a world where guys like this don't get to be president and make policy aimed at "wip[ing] Israel off the map." Oh wait, nevermind.

4) I'm not sure that Mel is an anti-Semite to the extreme that his father is. That doesn't mean I'm rushing to defend him. His actions are both shameful and despicable, especially for someone who claims so strongly to be a Christian. As a Christian and fellow Catholic myself, Gibson's comments really sadden me. I hope in his heart he does not truly believe those things to be true. Hell, even Dr. Phil said on Jay Leno that people shouldn't condemn Gibson for some drunken rants. One way or another thought, the guy definitely needs some help.

5) Just because Mel Gibson hasn't publicy discredited his father's beliefs doesn't necessarily make him as bad as his father. Hutton Gibson is clearly stupid and wrong. But is that enough for a son to publicly throw his father under the bus? If your dad 100% believed that the world was flat and was the center of the universe and went around preaching that to the masses he would be without a doubt wrong. You would privately take him aside and tell him he's an idiot and that you don't agree with him, but you wouldn't hold a press conference and belittle him in public more than he has already done to himself. He's still your dad; no matter how stupid he is.

6) Whether Mel Gibson is an anti-Semite or not is kinda of a moot point for what I feel is the true heart of this argument. Is 'Passion' an anti-Semitic film? I have to reply with a resounding NO. I've seen the film multiple times and I've never seen anything in it that is overwhelmingly hateful or derogatory towards Jews. It simply depicts the last day of Christ as told to us through the medium of the Holy Gospels (I went back and reread the four Gospels to make sure there were no glaring omissions or insertions in the movie). Mel didn't insert any new lines for Jesus to say like, "All you Jews die and go to Hell." If it seems like the Jews in the movie are out to get Jesus, well, they sort of are. That is what historically happened. Jesus broke certain Talmudic laws, taught things which could be considered blasphemous back then, and spoke out against Roman rule. This created problems for the Jewish authorities and Pharisees trying to get by in a Roman world and they felt Jesus should be taken out of the picture. In short he was a revolutionary. They killed Che Guevara for being a revolutionary. They killed Nathan Hale for being a revolutionary. So Chewy I don't really see how you think that the movie is anti-Semitic. I would argue it paints the Romans in a much worse light. I could also add that prior to the release of this film I read a lot of Jewish opinions concerning it. It was screened for numerous Jewish groups and individuals and for every opinion I read that the film was anti-Semitic I saw 10 more that felt it wasn't in any way and was nothing more than a beautiful, engaging human story. So if Jews don't find it offensive or anti-Semitic, who are you and I to say that it is?
Could Mel Gibson -- the director of 'Passion' -- be an anti-Semite? The answer is yes, he could be. I'm willing to say that he probably is. But I don't feel you can take this movie and use it as an example of his feelings towards Jews or the Jewish race or faith. If this was brought before us in a court case I don't think 'Passion' would hold up as Exhibit A.

7) I'm sick to death of having everything in this country that smacks of religion or faith being labeled as radical right-wing crazy conservatism. We are not all crazy. It's unfortunate that people like Gibson and the dumbass evangelical fundamentalists who deny evolution, ban books, and hold up signs going into Sanford Stadium give everybody else a bad name. It's very sad to me that for most people religion is seen as a bad thing thanks to a few bad apples. I am very religious and very moderate conservative. With each and every day that passes I grow more and more purple. My religion has nothing to do with my politics and vice versa. Chewy, don't ever make that fucking connection or assumption with me again. Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.

8) 'Fahrenheit 9/11' is a terrible film. I used to love Michael Moore before anyone else had ever heard of him. But his "documentary" (and I use that term very loosely) is a whole lot of propaganda and twisted truths. If he's so concerned with rooting out the lies of the government and administration, maybe he should turn the mirror on himself. And then maybe he won't have war vets suing him for doctoring their words to further his goals.

9) I chose the name of this post carefully. It seems that everyone is in uproar about this guy who was arrested and said some stupid things. Everyday I get on the internet and there is a new update in the story. And meanwhile the real anti-Semitic crisis is going on right now in Iran and Lebanon. But that's not nearly as important to Americans as some Hollywood celeb. I've been arrested for a DUI and I've said some dumb things while drunk before. I just wish I got the same kind of attention.

So I guess my only question is this: Did Chewy go into the movie objectively and come to the conclusion that it was anti-Semitic by himself or did he listen to a lot of the controversy surrounding it, the filmmaker, and his father and allow that to color his judgement of the film? Did he want to see an anti-Semitic movie in order to bolster his belief that evil Christian Republicans are everything that is wrong with this country? I know I'm interested.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Chasing legends

So Chase Utley had a hit for the 35th game in a row today? Ask me if I care. Yeah, the guy has a good streak going and it's intriguing to talk about what could be, but all of the fuss is a little unwarranted I'm thinking. ESPN started making a big deal about this like 10 games ago and now it's all John Kruk and the awfully terrible 'Baseball Tonight' guys -- for the record, I do like Steve Phillips but not Harold Reynolds -- can talk about. Sure the guy is tied for the 5th longest streak, which in itself is special, but he's still 10 games away from beating Pete and 21 away from even tying DiMaggio. I think everyone is making way too big a deal of this for right now. I'm just waiting for when Sportscenter starts cutting away to Phillies games to show Utley's at-bats. This is all so preemptive. Talk to me when he hits 43.

And one more thing: who came up with the great idea to give Barry Bonds his own personal 'Chasing Aaron' scrollbar at the bottom of the TV screen? This is beyond ridiculous. If he hits a home run can't they just show that in the normal game box scores? Do we really need to know everytime Barry goes 0-3 with a walk? It would be nice if ESPN could stop sucking this guy's dick. But then I guess you would have to fire wonderful people like Tim Kurkijian and Bonds' personal reporter and Taylor Hicks look-a-like Pedro Gomez. I swear that guy looks exactly like the dude who just won American Idol.

The rising cost of gasoline

The last time I filled up my truck it cost me about $55 at $3.01 per gallon. What a drag. Not only does it kill you in the wallet, but it forces you to change your driving habits. You think a little harder about that errand or luxury trip up to the bookstore just to browse through the comics. You have to plan out your driving day around town to the last detail and shortcut, because you don't want to find yourself taking a wrong turn down the scenic route or making double trips to the same part of the city. It's a production and a hassle and more than a little annoying.
The worst part of it for me is that I can't just drive for the sake of driving. I used to love to drive just to do it, but now there is too much to worry about with gas prices. It's a luxury that I can't afford. In high school if I couldn't sleep, or I was depressed, or had a lot on my mind I had a good outlet for it. I would sneak out of the house after everyone was asleep and jump in Blue, my '89 VW Jetta. I was always worried about waking up my parents, so I would put the car in neutral and roll down the hill away from my house before starting the ignition. And then Blue and I would drive all around the backroads of North Georgia. I usually stayed in the county but sometimes I would go up to the mountains or putt around Jasper and Ellijay. Sometimes I would stay out for hours, driving around and exploring and having my little midnight adventures. I was never worried about wasting my gas money back then; a gallon of 87 unleaded cost about a buck. Even if I was dead broke, I would be able to scrounge up a couple dollars to make it to school and work and practice for the week. It doesn't really work like that anymore.
Last night I took a ride with Grace for the helluva it. I couldn't really afford it, but I just wanted to drive, to get away. 2 am found me somewhere in the backwoods of South Carolina, depressed, introspective, and lost in my heart and mind. I passed through a lot of Podunk little Southern towns and saw more deer than you could ever want. I thought about my current situation and felt sorry for myself and considered options that shouldn't even have crossed my mind. I wondered if I would fall asleep at the wheel and drive into a ditch at 65 mph since I hadn't slept in a couple of days. For three hours I just drove without a purpose and without a destination. And it was a good drive; it cleared my head and calmed me.
I miss driving just for the sake of driving. And I guess that is what I hate most about the rising cost of gasoline.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight? Jake Gyllenhaal has.

A lot of good news recently concerning the next Batman movie has been released this past week. Last week the Latino Review reported that a source had told them that the role of the Joker would be played by Heath Ledger. They got the scoop on everybody and then yesterday Warners confirmed Ledger's involvment and released the new title: 'The Dark Knight'. I am a huge fan of the title. The big concern among the fanboys is that the studio will crack and change it to 'Batman: The Dark Knight' but I have faith it will stick. Needless to say there has been a lot of buzz on the messageboards the past couple of days, most of it Brokebat Mountain gay jokes. My favorite line that I saw is as follows: Nice title, at least it's not "Batman Begins to Return". I had a good laugh.

Anyway as you can imagine I'm pretty excited about all this bat-news. I think it really captures the mood of what these new films are supposed to be about and The Dark Knight has always been Batman's best moniker. Much apologies to Adam West and his Caped Crusader. And this is highly preferable to the route Sony took with the Spidey sequels, where they just opted to number them instead of using the kickass titles 'Amazing Spider-Man' and 'Spectacular Spider-Man' to tie them closer to the comics.

On to Heath Ledger. Last week when I heard about this I was hoping that it was just a rumor and not a definite thing. I was pretty against this casting at first. Ledger doesn't really have the body type for the Joker and I wasn't sure he could pull it off. But after some time to think about it, I've decided that I like the pick. Hey, if anybody knows what he's doing here, it's Christopher Nolan. Everybody was worried the last go 'round because Wayne and all the other principals were cast with Brits. And it worked out and turned out to be the best superhero movie ever. And Heath Ledger is a really good actor; I've always liked him and rooted for him so this could turn out great. I do hope Nolan makes him lose some pounds to get the right look and that he is more murderous psychopath than Jack Nicholson's over-the-top version. I'm curious to see how it goes, but until I see different I am going to place my trust in Nolan's hands. I'm sure pink parasol will throw up her hands in disgust over this casting though. Only person I know who had a problem with Cillian Murphy as Scarecrow and hated 'Batman Begins'.

I also really hope that they write Harley Quinn into the movie. She has long been one of my favorite Batman characters and I would love to see her side-by-side with the Clown Prince of Crime.