Do you wanna know why the South really sucks?*

We all have little things we have to do once in awhile on a routine basis that we'd rather not have to. Call them chores, pet peeves, annoyances, whatever. It doesn't matter how much you would like to ignore them and have a little fun or treat yourself, but you just can't. As a responsible adult you must face this task and address it head-on. Whether it's going to the dentist, calling your mother, giving the dog a bath, meeting your partner's weird sexual demands, or getting your prostate checked, it just has to happen. Britney Spears has to be a mother, Courtney Love has to take her monthly shower, and Bill Clinton has to talk to his wife. Mine happens to be fielding questions about my vocabulary to moronic Southerners (feel free to share yours!). I made the dumb mistake of using an Ohio colloquialism in front of my co-workers last week. I said "crick" when referring to a creek. Oops.
Sure, so I technically misspoke. It's not the end of the world. Everyone speaks in a different dialect. My mom's family says things like "warsh" for wash, and all sorts of other ones that I probably don't even pick up on because I'm so used to them. But the big one that every damn person in Georgia attacks me over is "pop."

This is Merriam-Webster's say:
Main Entry: soda pop
Function: noun
: a beverage consisting of soda water, flavoring, and a sweet syrup

One could argue that pop is the correct word usage since soda is modifying the noun. But soda can be a noun on its own, so I'll buy either word to describe a frizzy and refreshing drink. Not only are these idiots in Dixie so completely obstinate about their Coke word usage, but they are incredibly wrong! I swear if you let slip so much as a pop or soda, the whole state jumps on your back. It's like admitting to Joseph McCarthy that you attended a Communist Party gathering. I don't know if there is anywhere in the country that you will be hounded on a constant basis for the way you speak. You'd think after living 18 years in this shithole that you would be accepted. But no, you have to daily be made fun of by the same people for a little 3-letter word. Your own friends can't let it go. I can't tell you how happy it would make me to have the people I hang out with not bring this up every time. But I know it won't ever happen. I know that if I ask for a pop I won't be served. I have actually been in a situation where as a kid, my friend's parent asked me if I wanted something to drink. I replied, "Yes, do you have any pop?" The woman would not give me anything to drink until I asked for Coke. And when I finally said it, she hands me a Dr. Pepper. Isn't that ridiculuous? Southern hospitality my ass. But this is about par for the course for a place where blatant racism is cool and funny. What a bush-league state.

What do these popular soft drinks all have in common?
Root Beer
Pepsi
Sprite
Orange Soda
Mountain Dew
That's right! They are all not Coke! Coca-Cola is Coke; if you want something other than Coke please specify. Sprite will never and can never be Coke. Sprite is a lemon-lime beverage while Coke is a cola. Just because Sprite is a Coca-Cola Company product does not mean it is classified as "Coke". Thanks for coming out.

This is such a big deal to people that someone made a website. And included a fancy map.

*This public service announcement is addressed to anyone thinking about making a move to the Southern United States (that means you lada) and is paid for by the offices of The Dunce-cap Marvel, Inc.