Penguins are precious, one of life's great treasures

I wouldn't say I'm a compulsive liar, but I'm sure I do it more than the average person. It's right up there with the whole lust/adultery in the heart thing in terms of bad stuff I do often. I've lied to get out of work or to get an extension on a test or paper for school. I mean, who hasn't? My conscious will usually kick in and I'll feel guilty for awhile, and then I'll go back to whatever I was doing in the first place. But sometimes I just lie for the entertainment value, which I usually never feel bad about. I'm sure it's technically lying, but I love to make up stories and exaggerate and spin tall tales. Hell, I mean that's what I would like to do for a living and get paid for, right? It's not really hurting anyone, so what's the harm? So said the boy who cried wolf. Maybe I'm feeling guilty lately cuz I figured I would air out some of the tales I've told recently and in the past.

- I once told my friend's girlfriend that I personally knew John Mayer and was very good friends with him. I told her that I had met him through my cousin when they both were living in Boston, and that I was the one who convinced him to move to Atlanta and switch from blues guitar to his current sound. I kept it up for a few months and I'm pretty sure she believed me for awhile.

- I've convinced many people that I had a black grandfather and that I was 1/8 African-American.

- After a buddy suggested it as a sure-fire way to pick up chicks, I started dropping the fact that I had written Finding Nemo. I let it slip in casual conversation and say a few lines in 'whale-speak' before acting embarrassed. It works.

- Sometimes when I'm out downtown I'll introduce myself as some made-up name. Tommy Barbados is a personal favorite.

- My roommates are pretty gullible and I've got them to bite on a few different stories. I guess it helps that we didn't know each other before this year. They bought that a was a pretty successful amateur boxer when I was younger. I was actually on the verge of signing a professional contract when I suffered an untimely career-ending injury. I also convinced them that I had driven my car under a tractor-trailer to avoid a serious accident after we saw that exact stunt on TV. And the other week I told them I was a bad-ass high school baseball player and once had a 27 RBI game with 4 grand slams. I overexaggerated that one and it didn't take.

- I was talking to my ex last night and she mentioned the March of the Penguins movie. Without thinking, I immediately proceeded to tell her that I was sponsoring an orphaned baby emperor penguin named Chuckles. He lives in a Chilean wildlife conservancy and just $17 a month pays for his food, habitat, and the medicine he needs to live. Annie sees through me pretty well, but I did get her to laugh. And isn't that what it's all about?