Sleepless in Athens

"Sir, I'm having trouble sleeping. The monsters in my brain will not let me be."
"Doctor, this boy is clearly insane."
"Thank you nurse; I can see that. Now please fetch me those restraints. I'm sorry madam, but he must be put down."
"Yes, it is unfortunate, but I understand that it is the only way. Thank you doctor."
"NOOOOO!"

I think a lot. Sometimes my mind races, quickly touching down on something and then moving onto the next subject without even the tiniest pause. I can't sleep tonight. Hell, I can't sleep most nights. Maybe it's the depression. Maybe it's because my body is used to alcohol-induced slumber. Maybe it's the nightmares.

I have terrible nightmares. Not just bad dreams; nightmares. And nearly every night. The sort that a character in a H.P. Lovecraft story might have. I'm talking about some serious Randolph Carter, thrashing in bed and throwing off the covers, waking up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath nightmares. Some nights I'm scared to even fall asleep. I'll lay in bed completely exhausted and trying to fight off sleep for as long as I can. What do I dream about? Well, for one, I've died 10,000 terrible deaths. Countless times I have been stabbed, eaten alive by wild animals and scarier things, and shot in the back of the head like you would see in some Mafia execution. But those all pale in comparison to the things I've seen that are a million times worse. My dreams are always lucid and vivid. I've heard that most people dream in black and white. Not me; I get full, vibrant Technicolor every time. Not only that; I hear, smell, and taste perfectly too. I could not or would never want to describe what I see to any other human being on this earth. My dreams still frighten me in the middle of the day.

It's now 5 'o clock in the morning and I still can't sleep. Instead I am here, writing my blog and wondering if I am insane. I think too much and about things that I should probably steer clear of. If I sat down with a psychiatrist and told him/her everything that I think about I really think he/she would instantly stamp a big red CRAZY on the top of my file and call for the men in white coats to take me away in a strait-jacket. Maybe that's just an irrational fear or perhaps just the way the depressed human brain works. I don't know.

Good depressed music:

- Third Eye Blind is pretty high on the list. I'll go through a sizable list of songs, topping it all off with multiple plays of 'Motorcycle Drive-by'.
- Depressing-as-shit country is good. 'Whiskey Lullaby' by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss is usually key.
- I heart Pink Floyd. I don't break it out too often when I'm down, but when I do 'Sorrow', 'The Wall', and 'Shine on You Crazy Diamond' (this one time I wrote this poem for class . . . ) are pretty solid.
- If I'm in a real sentimental, botched-relationship kinda mood I play a few Blink-182 tracks. Yes, I'm almost 24 and I still like to listen to Blink every now and again. So what if I'm not in high school and those guys are like in their 30s.
- Grade or some other kind of punky/emo shit.
- Wagner, the Overture to Tannhauser. Sometimes the opera just really pulls it all together.
- Dire Straits. 'Romeo & Juliet', 'Tunnel of Love', and 'Telegraph Road'.
- The soundtrack for 'Waking Ned Devine'.
- 'Across the Stars'. It's the love theme from 'AOTC'.
- The Police. Take your pick.
- Coldplay. 'The Scientist' and 'Fix You'.
- You can throw in a couple Metallica, Tool, and Guns 'n Roses songs.
- Gin Blossoms, Gin Blossoms, and more Gin Blossoms.
- I have a mix CD with the perfect smattering of Bush, Hootie & the Blowfish, Nirvana, Counting Crows, Smashing Pumpkins, and Pearl Jam. It's a good selection of songs for when I'm depressed.
- When I'm still down but ready to start coming out of it I'll put on some Elvis. I think it's impossible to be from Memphis and not love the King.

It's a quarter 'til six. The sun is starting to come up. I'm starting to come out of it. I'm getting tired and my mind is starting to slow down. And just when I had so much more to talk about . . .